


Therein Lies

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A reimagining of a Grown up Comic Carl, Alpha Carl, Alpha Negan, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Canon-Typical Violence, Carl Grimes - Freeform, Carl Grimes/Rick Grimes - Freeform, Carl is the aggressor, Disturbing Themes, Eugene Porter - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Hopeful Ending, Father-Son Relationship, Father/Son Incest, Horrible communication, Hurt Rick, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Negan (Walking Dead) - Freeform, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Negan and Carl do bad things, Negan is the aggressor, Omega Rick, Polyamorous Relationships, Protective Carl, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, Rick Grimes/Negan - Freeform, Rick blames himself, Rick pays the price, Rut made him do it, Season/Series 07, Seriously poor baby Rick, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, The Walking Dead (TV) - Freeform, Victim Blaming, carl is 18, explicit - Freeform, m/m - Freeform, non-consensual bonding, past physical and psychological childhood abuse, rick grimes - Freeform, some lessons don't stick the first time around, trying and struggling to atone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:08:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15071906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Negan can tell Rick and Carl are bonded. Without knowing the specifics, he comes to completely the wrong conclusions. In trying to get justice for Carl Negan does exactly the wrong thing. When biology takes over he commits an even greater wrong, the consequences of which they will all have to live with.Or - the one where Negan thinks Rick is an alpha, acts on that assumption, and is sorely mistaken.





	1. Engine

**Author's Note:**

> To the real heroes of this fic -  
> demented_queen   
> ItCouldAllBeForNothingTomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started with some wonderful artwork of this done by HYK (find us on tumblr - HYK :https://onigirioishiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.tumblr.com  
> Yeah, I'm not tech savvy, there was probably a better way to put those links lol. HYK's artwork is incredible. I really encourage everyone to check out more~!!
> 
> Thank you HYK!!

 

 

 

 

Things were confusing, that first night. Introductions always tended to be chaotic. It wasn't as if Negan hadn't noticed. One didn't just come across other alphas or omegas every day. The bonded pair was the first thing he had noticed. A young boy, an omega if Negan ever saw one, and a man twice his age. The boy, Carl as he later discovered, seemed just shy of old enough for consent. It seemed possible an early heat or, god forbid, a rut might have helped things along. It wasn't common but it happened. Negan wasn't one to judge until he knew all the facts.

 

At any rate, rape wasn't something that jumped to the forefront of his thoughts. He saw how desperate they were to protect each other.

 

"I could run a train on your boy." He watched as the blood drained out of the Alpha's face. It was comical, to have so much leverage and in such a completely cliche way.

 

He was secretly glad he didn't have any weak omega to tie him down.

 

The Alpha quivered at his feet, and something about it was so sweet, so addictive, that Negan didn't stop there. He couldn't anyway, not while the Alpha - Rick, still had that look of defiance on his face. He drug him to the trailer and made him play fetch. Secretly he was amused at the alpha dog and _literal_ dog parallels.

 

He only really achieved what he'd meant to though, when he brought the boy into the mix. Rick's instincts were no doubt screaming at him. And Negan could be cruel - _had_ to be. But even he wasn't cruel enough to make a bonded alpha slice through his little omega's arm.

 

Really, in retrospect, he deserved some credit for that.

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, hello there." Negan's voice lowered a register as Rick came into view. Rick seemed like he had to force himself to approach. It sent an inexplicable thrill through Negan, "you gonna show me around town, Rick?"

 

He slung an arm over a reluctant Rick, crowding obnoxiously against him. The townspeople steered clear of them. Negan noticed there were only betas, which made sense given that Negan had only come across one other omega and two alphas since the world had ended.

 

He noted with some suspicion that Rick and his boy were keeping a low profile. Almost as if they didn't want anyone to know they were bonded.

 

"Where's that sweet little bondmate of yours?"

 

Rick startled at the question, and quickly looked around to see if anyone had heard. He cleared his throat.

 

"He's, um, hanging out with a friend I think."

 

"Really? You don't keep track of him."

 

"No." Rick's face flushed.

 

"Not the jealous type. That's just gosh darn charitable of you. Especially considering you're a little on the worn side, like a dirty sock stretched wide by too many feet." And really, Negan lived for the ridiculous, that little scrunch it caused on Rick's face. "If I were you I would be worried about my mate stepping out on me. You don't have much to offer, especially not since he's seen firsthand what a little bitch you actually are."

 

He'd been trying to get a rise and he's disappointed when Rick refuses to comment.

 

 

 

 

 

Negan has always liked kids. Loved them in fact. He'd always wanted his own. It snuck up on him, and shocked the hell out of him if he were being honest, but somehow he found the kid - Carl - fulfilling the role of his old high school students. Small confidantes to trash talk to.

 

It'd started with some stray small talk whenever their paths crossed at Alexandria, which Negan found amusing as hell considering the ridiculous lengths Rick was going to in order to keep Carl away from him. Negan figured it had something to do with him being a much more eligible alpha, and younger than Rick to boot. Now, Negan wasn't a monster. He wouldn't break a fucking bond. And quite honestly, without the inescapable driving force of heat or rut, there were no circumstances under which Negan would find Carl attractive or suitable. All Negan saw when he looked at him was a fucking kid. 

 

And Rick, well, Negan had been giving him the benefit of the doubt. He didn't seem like a pedo, and he didn't touch the kid at all. It was always the kid touching him. And while Rick was openly affectionate, it seemed more a paternal vibe. Carl had obviously lost his parents. To Negan, it seemed as if Rick was rather a stand-in. It didn't surprise him when Carl almost seemed to begin to look up to Negan himself as a father figure instead.

 

Rick couldn't be father _and_ lover.

 

 

 

 

 

It came to a head when Carl hit Negan where it hurt. 

 

The Sanctuary. 

 

The little shit impressed the hell out of him, but he knew he had to enforce the rules and make them stick.

 

"What the fuck kid, you killed two of my men. Rick can't keep you under control?"

 

"He has no say over what I do."

 

"Well that sure as shit is obvious."

 

"You going to kill me?" the kid suddenly seemed unsure of himself. Negan sighed.

 

"Don't ruin my badass image of you. But to ease your mind, no. I got a more fitting punishment."

 

 

 

He made Carl sing a song. And Negan had thought omegas were supposed to have sweet voices, but Carl more or less proved that wrong.

 

"Your momma was an omega?"

 

"No, a beta."

 

"Ah, so your daddy must be an alpha or omega."

 

Carl glared with his one eye.

 

"Yeah, stop fishing for information. The bond works to protect the omega from prying alphas."

 

"Right kid, as if it isn't obvious in and of itself."

 

"Don't touch my dad."

 

"Uh..what!? Your dad?" And Carl's dad was dead, right? Negan hadn't seen any other men hanging around Carl. And what kind of father would let a man as old as Rick bond with his son? Even if he had been in heat, surely there must have been better options.

 

"Yeah. Rick, my dad." It felt like a punch to the gut and for a solid moment Negan didn't understand what Carl was saying.

 

When he did, Negan knew it must have showed on his face because Carl drew back.

 

"Hey, kid. Forget about it. I'll have supper brought up and you can stay here tonight, okay? No sense taking you back to Alexandria while the day light is waning. You can watch some movies or something here."

 

Negan got up to leave.

 

"Where are you going?" Carl asked.

 

"To deal with some business. Stay in this room alright? I promise I'll get you back home tomorrow. Just behave yourself."

 

 

 

 

 

Negan caught Rick at the gate of Alexandria, about to start a manhunt for his son.

 

"Rick." Negan kept his voice even keeled, but it was darker than he intended. Rick sensed it but, stupid fucker that Negan knew he was, steeled himself and began to give excuses.

 

"Negan. Carl is missing. I don't have time for you right now…”

 

"Carl is at the Sanctuary."

 

If anything, the words seemed to cause Rick more distress. Negan didn't give him a chance to voice his concerns.

 

"I'm spending the night Rick. How about showing me some hospitality?"

 

When Rick didn't budge, Negan crowded closer and physically turned him around and marched him past the other people at the gate.

 

"See y'all in the morning,” he called behind his back. It wasn't fair to punish the people. They didn't know they were harboring a sick, rapist fuck. Usually, in a situation like this, Negan would simply kill the offender. He couldn't do that though, worse - didn't feel like he wanted to do that, not with how much he knew Carl loved the piece of shit currently resisting being dragged up his front steps.

 

"Now Rick, if you don't cooperate I'm not going to tell you if Carl is safe or not."

 

The statement immediately had the intended affect. Rick shakily unlocked the door and held it open for Negan. The house was dimly lit. A fat woman with long, brown hair was inside.

 

"You can leave now Olivia,” Rick told her. She looked terrified and skirted around Negan as she left.

 

Negan surveyed the surroundings and made a decision.

 

"We're doing this in the living room Rick. You know why? Because every time, every fucking time, you're in this house, I want you to remember."

 

“Is Carl okay?" Rick dared to ask meekly, determinedly, and so quietly it made Negan chuckle with derision.

 

"No, Carl's not okay. You know why? Because he's fucking bonded to his piece of shit father."

 

Rick's eyes immediately cut to his in shock.

 

"That's right Rick, I know you're bonded to your son. I'm here to change that."

 

"You gonna kill me?" And it was a question, said so flatly it made Negan immediately want to lash out.

 

"Noooo...." Negan said slowly, "Can't imagine he'd like that. I don't want to fucking hurt the kid. He's just a fucking kid.... I think it goes without saying that you don't let him feel any of this through the bond."

 

Rick nodded.

 

"Judith is upstairs."

 

"Well, you'll just have to be quiet then." At Rick's anxiousness Negan amended, "I'll make sure she's taken care of."

 

"Thank you."

 

"Just one more question Rick," the name sharp on his tongue, "Man to man. How fucking could you?"

 

Rick didn't answer. He hung his head in shame, as if he was something so pedestrian as a bad dog.

 

"It's going to hurt you a lot." Negan continued, "I'm going to hurt you a lot, and I'm going to keep hurting you until it breaks the bond."

 

“And if it don't work?"

 

Rick had the audacity to look worried at the outcome.

 

“It'll work. I won't stop 'til it's done. Did you really think I was a quitter Rick?" Negan smiled broadly. "You know first hand I ain't."

 

It isn't supposed to be easy but somehow Negan feels it will be. It was considered barbaric, or used to be, back when the world was still intact. Beating a bond out more often then not killed the recipient. Negan wasn't really worried about that - going too far. He had his fucking PHD in torturing people to the verge of death.

 

Negan circled behind Rick and pushed the coffee table out of the way.

 

"Get on your knees. And don't fight me,” were his only instructions. Rick obeyed like there was a time limit and Negan chuckled darkly.

 

Rick crumpled after the first brutally hard kick to the ribs. The crunch was audible. Negan stomped down between his legs and Rick couldn't stop the breathless howl that left his lips. Still, he didn't fight back. If anything, Rick's lack of action _incited_ Negan. He brought a fist down square on Rick's back, knocked the air out of him. He turned Rick's prone form over where he was gasping for breath, trying futilely to catch it. Negan grabbed his throat.

 

Rick's hand shot up weakly after a moment to grasp. Negan boxed him soundly in the ear then pinned his hand down.

 

"Piece of shit, fucking piece of shit,” Negan muttered.

 

He placed himself squarely on top of Rick's chest, pinning Rick's other hand down, as he struck him over and over again in the face. The blood made Negan dizzy, light headed. Strangely, it smelled good. It was splattered all over Rick's rapidly bruising face and down his neck, the front of his shirt.

 

It happened between one second and the next. Negan didn't even realize he was in trouble until he was licking the blood from Rick's neck.

 

The bond was weakening.

 

Rick's orientation was showing. 

 

Negan had been wrong, Rick wasn't the alpha. 

 

He was the omega.

 

Negan's mistake was probably going to cost Rick dearly. Any rational thought fled Negan's mind when Rick shuddered, mewling.

 

Negan leaned forward to breath in deeply even as he knew he should be wrenching back. That scent. He tried to get up off of Rick. He had to leave before he went into rut. The thought of it made a spike of cold fear shoot through his stomach. 

 

Rut. 

 

He could do real damage, especially now that Rick was so vulnerable, so hurt. He tried to pull away. His body wasn't listening.

 

Instead, Negan pressed down harder. His blood felt like it was on fire. He scraped his teeth against Rick's neck, the broken man’s whimpers sent blood shooting south. Suddenly Negan noticed he was impossibly hard, he felt like he was going out of his mind. He needed inside.

 

Rick's eyes were swollen shut, grotesque and malformed. It didn't matter. Negan began tearing at Rick's clothes, unable to stop himself. Rick meekly took it, as if he didn't realize yet there had been a switch in directions. Negan's sole focus now was getting inside Rick. By the time he took Rick's pants and underwear off, Rick seemed to catch on. He pushed weakly against Negan and futilely tried to pull his legs shut when Negan spread them open.

 

Little panicked noises flowed constantly from Rick's mouth and if anything they just spurred Negan on. He didn't bother to prepare him - _couldn't_. The draw was too powerful. And then Negan was fucking in, Rick's hips subconsciously hitching up even as he began to hyperventilate. Rick must've fainted at some point, Negan was too far gone to tell, but he knew because the short stop breaths had ceased and suddenly Rick was speaking. Voice hopelessly lost, little and confused and oh so painfully, deliciously hurt.

 

"C-Carl? Carl, s-stop... stop th-this."

 

Rick devolved into quiet sobs and monosyllables and it was so, so wrong. Still, Negan couldn't stop. Rick was wheezing like he was fucking dying. Thought Negan was Carl. But he couldn't. Couldn't. The tight, wet heat. The parting of Rick's fucking insides. All for him. His.

 

Rick was _his_.

 

"Oh fuck, oh fuck Rick."

 

He reached down and coated his hand in Rick's blood, bringing the fingers to his mouth.

 

"Sweet little omega bitch."

 

"Negan,” Rick breathed his name out, startled, terrified and barely audible.

 

"Say you're mine Rick. Say it."

 

At Rick's silence, Negan wound a hand in his hair and slammed his head hard against the floor.

 

“Yours. Yours,” Rick mumbled brokenly. He pushed into Rick hard and came. Negan didn't remember anything after that.

 

 

 

 

 

When he woke up in the morning, still lying on the living room floor, Rick was unconscious beside him. Naked, with blood and cum smeared all over his body. There was more damage than Negan remembered doing. Blood matted his hair and the huge bruise that was blossoming on his chest was mirrored on his back. His breathing sounded bad, labored. There was a ring of purple around his throat. His face was swollen beyond recognition. Horror froze Negan for a solid moment.

 

His fingers fumbled as he pulled Rick over into a recovery position. Then he was out the door.

 

"You!" he snapped at the next passerby, "get the Doctor over to Rick's house. _Now_!”

 

He roared as the woman stared dumbly at him. She darted off. His yell drew his men from the gate.

 

"Go get the kid from the Sanctuary and bring him here. Don't hurt him. He has one mark on him and I'm coming after all of you, do you understand?"

 

He didn't stay to watch their terrified nods.

 

 

 

Negan caught the Doctor at the door. He'd been a new arrival that Negan had gifted to Alexandria.

 

"You don't discuss what goes on here. Or what's inside there. Do I make myself clear?"

 

The Doctor nodded in fear. Negan pushed the door open. There was a gasp, openly accusing eyes darting to Negan.

 

"Rut,” he said.

 

Rut was, and had always been, a free pass. It wasn't usually so violent, in fact some weren't violent at all, but they were always forceful. It made Negan sick. Biology turning good men into something base, something evil.

 

"Get me a cold, wet facecloth."

 

The Doctor laid it over Rick's eyes.

 

"Should we get him upstairs? I think there's a bed."

 

"There isn't."

 

"We burned their beds ages ago, he had to have gotten a new one."

 

"When I first came to Alexandria, I..I have a sciatic nerve, and it was difficult for me so Rick offered to give me his bed to ease the pain."

 

"Right." A reminder Negan had grossly misjudged the man, "the couch?"

 

At the doctor's nod, Negan picked up Rick carefully, bridal style, and lay him on the couch.

 

"His breathing doesn't sound good, it's shallow. It may just be the ribs, but I'm worried he aspirated some blood. Has he been in recovery position all night?"

 

"No. He was..on his back."

 

"It's not very comforting but we'll just have to wait and see. I don't want to do anything invasive until it's absolutely necessary. We'll clean him up as best as we can, I'll give him something for the pain, but after that it's mostly just basic care. Is Carl here?"

 

"No, he's coming from the Sanctuary."

 

At that the Doctor stiffened.

 

"I understand Omega's are rare, probably getting rarer, but you couldn't have made your overtures outside of rut?" The Doctor, although afraid of Negan, was obviously outraged at what he felt was so staged an attack on Rick.

 

"I didn't plan this. I know what it looks like. But I wouldn’t…” Negan rubbed the bridge of his nose, consumed with guilt.

 

"Are you going to stay with him until Carl gets back?"

 

"Of course. I'll clean him up. You just go get him a shot of the good stuff."

 

"We only have...I should do the stitches now, while he's unconscious."

 

Rick needed stitches above his eye, on his split lip and between his legs. It was disturbing to watch. The image of a Doctor with nitrile gloves crouching between Rick's legs, threading a needle. Negan busied himself with rubbing a washcloth down Rick's body.

 

A wailing baby broke through the silence. Negan had almost forgotten. He trudged up the stairs, cradled Judith like a life line, and trudged back down. He fed her breakfast in the kitchen, careful that she didn't see Rick. He didn't protest when the doctor left and scooped her from his arms.

 

 

 

 

 

By the time Carl arrived, Rick was cleaner, more presentable. Negan had found some soft sweatpants and loose sweatshirt to dress Rick in. He'd woken up at one point, made some groaning noises as he tried to open his eyes before he deftly fell back asleep. Negan thought he'd tried to speak but all that had come out was a painful, wheezing noise.

 

Carl's eyes darted between them, the blood draining from his face.

 

"I was going to beat the bond out of him,” Negan explained.

 

"What did you do?" Carl's horrified voice was quiet, but when he looked to Rick lying prone on the couch his eyes immediately skittered away.

 

"I didn't know he was the omega. I thought he..."

 

"What? You thought...it's so obvious that he's...and the way you looked at him, you knew…you had to...I thought you at least suspected."

 

"I fucked up. I didn't know. It was...rut." Which is something Carl should understand.

 

"You're bonded to him now,” Carl trembled out, "I can feel it. Know why? Because _I'm_ still bonded to him. You didn't even...finish it off. At the very least that might have had some benefit for him." Carl's voice was getting louder. His face was twisted into something gut-wrenching.

 

"Carl, calm down. He's asleep."

 

"You hurt him!"

 

"Rut's not something you can control."

 

"It wasn't only Rut though, was it?" Carl hissed, "you wanted to beat the bond out of him, how far did you get? It had to be far. Far enough for him to present as an omega."

 

Carl's voice was cracking with intensity. A helpless, choked off noise from the couch interrupted.

 

"Carl?" Rick tried breathlessly, the word cut out half way through.

 

Carl cleared his throat and tried to school his voice into something presentable.

 

"I'm here Dad."

 

Instead of reaching out, which Negan expected, Rick shrunk into himself at the sound of Carl's voice. When Rick spoke again his voice was rough, cutting out unpredictably. It was painful just to hear, Negan couldn't begin to guess how much more so it would be to speak.

 

"Carl, you...you can't do that again. What would your mother think? I just want you to be okay, this isn't..." Rick trembled.

 

This time it was Carl who made a choked off noise in his throat. He turned and marched himself out the door. At the noises Rick visibly deflated.

 

"Rick," Negan began and Rick jolted, surprised, which must have been painful, "do you remember what happened Rick? Where you are?"

 

"Negan..." Rick's voice was quieter, confused, it took him a few minutes to recollect his thoughts “I…I remember. Tell Carl I'm sorry."

 

Rick turned away from him, and pressed his face into the back of the couch with a soft hiss of pain.

 

"None of that Rick." Negan stopped himself from drawing Rick back with a hand. He didn't touch him. "Just rest, we'll talk about it after some rest."

 

"Where's Judy?"

 

"The Doctor took her."

 

"Oh. Okay." Rick drifted off, it was clear he was making some valiant effort to stay awake but it wasn't long before he went limp.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Negan found Carl on the porch. He was crying.

 

"Kid, it's going to be okay. I know it doesn't seem like that now. But we can still fix this."

 

"How can we possibly fix this?"

 

"You were probably too young for sex ed when the world ended. Maybe you didn't know you were an alpha yet. Rut is just…it makes villains of us all."

 

"And yet you beat him without knowing if this was a situation Rut caused for him."

 

"Sex Ed kid, your dad should have told you all this. It doesn't work like that. You're young, it's a rarity for someone your age to go into heat or rut. The younger you are, the less control you have over yourself. It gets so bad that you can't even scent your family anymore, you become insensible. The family thing, that comes with age. It's why people don't fucking mate with their children."

 

Negan sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face before continuing.

 

"Is it safe to assume that after the first time you didn't consummate?"

 

Carl just glared at him through his tears.

 

"I wasn't going to hurt him again."

 

"The second time, that's where all the tender feelings form. Where our magical healing cocks do their part."

 

"Negan,” Carl warned.

 

"I know it isn't fair. How we can do so much damage and then just - _poof_ \- let the bond do its work and make them love us. But Rut, that's not really us. Not really who we are."

 

"No, who you are is someone who beat him half to death beforehand. If you had just looked closer it would have been obvious. If you'd just told me what you planned, _for my sake_ ," Carl spit that part out like it was poison, "I wouldn't have liked it but I would have told you about him. Even after what you did, I'm still worse than you. I - I don't even have an excuse like Rut to hide behind."

 

"What!?” It's like everything Carl says is a bombshell and Negan is always left in the dust.

 

"I can't even look at him. It's like before. Exactly like before. You heard him, he thought so too. He was confused. I wasn't in rut. It was..there was this man called the Governor, he raided our home, he beat my Dad. We thought Judy was dead and I blamed him for that. Our home was lost, a lot of our people. He couldn't even walk on his own, not really. He had to lean on me and I hated him for it. That first night I didn't touch him. He collapsed on the couch, just passed out. One of his eyes was swollen shut. He didn't wake up for a long time. But when he did, I was there, ready to punish him. To take advantage of him. Call him ugly things, hurt him, degrade him."

 

Negan, for once, is speechless.

 

"You should have broken the bond,” Carl says, voice stone cold and emotionless.

 

He disappears inside the house.

 

 

 

The second day is much better, Rick can get one eye open. Carl and Negan take turns damping the cloth. Rick gets up with some effort to try and have breakfast at the table. He doesn't get very far into his bowl of cereal before he turns green around the gills. He flinches from Negan's touch so Carl helps him up from his chair and back to the couch.

 

"Judy?" he whispers dreamily.

 

When they bring her, he keeps her in his arms the entire day, despite the fact that she's curious and her little fists roam his puffy, bruised face. 

 

He doesn't leave the couch for the longest time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Turn

 

 

 

 

Negan can't put it off any longer. The next day he leaves to take care of business at the Sanctuary;  he has to make an appearance at the very least even if he does plan to be back the very next day. The tension is palpable in Alexandria as their next drop approaches.

 

"Carl, due to Alexandria losing their best man, I'm putting the pick up off a week. You can tell the people that,” he says before he leaves.

 

Carl nods.

 

"I'll take care of him."

 

 

 

Negan doesn't make a big show of it.

 

"Ladies, I'm bonded. Consider yourself divorced. It was fun, but..." Negan shrugs, "omegas. You know how it is. Can't keep yourself off their pretty asses."

 

Sherry gives him a hard glare. Really only Amber looks relieved and Negan supposes that is a compliment of sorts, that the rest will miss him or something.

 

"Now Sweethearts, don't worry, you'll at least get _something_ in the divorce settlement."

 

Afterward Negan takes a look around his rooms. They're suitable, even for an omega. Maybe not as pleasant or as down-to-the-bones-right as Rick with his white picket fence Barbie dream home but it's suitable for the moment. Negan couldn't move to Alexandria overnight. Things would have to change between their communities. He would have to take a truck, to bring most of Judy's stuff, and he'd have to find a room somewhere close for Carl. At the very least Rick would have a bed to rest on, and some stronger meds to make him more comfortable.

 

Negan, satisfied with the plan, heads out to Alexandria once more.

 

 

 

Rick hates that he still isn't up and about when Negan returns. His voice is mostly back to normal though. He still can't hear from his left side, where Negan boxed his ear, but he isn't telling anyone that. Can hardly bring himself to care that much about it. Or anything really. He feels numb, like everything is underwater.

 

He just lies uselessly on the couch, letting Judith lie beside him whenever she gets sleepy. He tries to engage Carl, smile at him, but Carl isn't looking at him. Won't look at him. It's with more than a little trepidation that Rick supposes Carl must be remembering last time.

 

_"You're so weak, useless, can't even keep anything safe. Not even yourself."_

 

He blames himself for knocking back their progress. Negan may have...beat him, but he was the one who had sobbed pathetically at Carl afterward, bringing them back to that terrible moment, reminding him of every reason - every weakness - why Carl shouldn't have anything to do with him, of how disastrously he'd failed him. And now Carl won't look at him and it's his own fault.

 

Negan looks at him though. Gently pulls his chin up while the fingers on his face almost make him panic but he manages to shut the feeling down before it shows on his face. It's almost scary how easy it is. Negan looks him in the eye, sees something there and then pulls back with something like shame. Then it's gone.

 

"Rick," Negan begins, almost jovially, "now that we're one big happy family, I’d like to invite you back to the Sanctuary. Know you been itching to find out where it is. Carl here knows."

 

"No, I…” Rick begins, tries to organize his protest, "Alexandria needs me."

 

"Really?" Negan asks and Rick feels like it's a dig at him. Who could need an old, broken down omega? "Well, they'll be safe in the good hands of your friend Daryl. And, as they're losing their leader, we'll be cutting back on pick ups. Once next week, then nothing for a month, and then twice a month. How does that strike you?"

 

"Good. Thank you,” Rick struggles out.

 

Rick can only conclude that Negan has taken Carl under his wing. Has adopted Judith and Carl, and him by extension, into his family. It doesn't sit right with him, this man who had destroyed so much, who'd killed Glenn and Abraham. He hates that he understands. 

 

Negan isn't evil. 

 

The testament of that what he'd tried to do for Carl, thinking him abused, stands before Rick. Rick doesn't have to like it though.

 

Rick can admit he was always a failure in regards to Carl. Maybe another alpha was what Carl needed. Although Negan wasn't the ideal role model for Carl, Rick could already admit he'd been losing on that front for a while. And who wouldn't want Judith? So sweet and innocent. It hurts something inside of him to think of how Negan will raise her. And he desperately swears to himself he'll prevent as much damage as he can, as long as Negan allows him and then some. Optimistically, it can almost be a good thing Negan's about to become her surrogate father.

 

Judith needed protection, and Rick had failed her before. She needed more protection than Rick could provide. If anything, Rick knew he should just be glad Negan had made a place for him at all. He didn't need him, not someone like Rick. He could have taken Rick's family as his own with minimal fuss, if he'd really wanted to. He could still break the bond between them, if he'd really wanted.

 

He tries to keep that in mind.

 

 

 

Carl and Negan pack up Judy's stuff. Rick gets up to help but crumples to the floor in pain when he stumbles over a stray toy. Soft hands are there to right him and set him back on the couch and Rick is surprised to find out it's Negan and not his son. When they set out, it’s Negan who slings Rick's arm over his shoulder and walks with him slowly out to the gate.

 

Rick doesn't say goodbye, can't even look at the people who had come to see him off.

 

They all had to know what happened. He felt they could see it written all over him. Remembered how his Daddy used to say there was a sign pointed straight at him - 'Omega Whore' and he better get a hold of his nature.

 

He hears Daryl call his name, and he just…can't. Can't look, can't respond.

 

Carl wedges himself into the truck beside him. Negan's in the drivers seat. Rick holds Judith like a life line.

 

 

 

Rick expected he'd be staying in a cell, maybe in a sparse room. Carl's room was as he pictured it in his daydreams; it looks like something a teenage boy would inhabit before the end of the world. It belies Negan's fondness for his son. It's the first room they're shown and Carl settles into it sullenly.

 

"You know where Rick will be staying already, a straight shot down the hall."

 

Carl nods. Negan turns to usher Rick out, Judith on his hip.

 

"W-will I get to see Carl again?" Rick asks, unsure. If it's going to be some time before he sees him again, he wants to say goodbye.

 

Negan just waves his concern off with one hand.

 

"Of course Rick, whenever you like. You can even spend the night here.” Rick opens his mouth so Negan talks over him, "not tonight of course. And well, if you're spending the _night_ with Carl," Rick feels his face turning red, catching on to what Negan is implying, "then I expect it'll be to strengthen the bond with your first Alpha."

 

"Stop it," Carl intones, predictably coming to Rick's rescue.

 

"Right, well, we'll see you in the morning Kiddo."

 

With that Negan ushers Rick out, keeping a hand near in case Rick decides to pitch over again.

 

 

 

Rick doesn't expect to be lead into Negan's personal rooms.

 

"They'll, uh, set up the crib in here."

 

"Can't Judith stay with me?" Rick's throat goes dry, suddenly fearful, though he couldn't say why.

 

Negan deadpans.

 

"You're staying here with me Rick."

 

Rick can't help the tremor that runs through his body. It feels cruel, like a joke on an unsuspecting bystander. Negan helps him sit down gently on the bed.

 

"I don't think I need to tell you Rick that I was in Rut."

 

"Oh." It made sense. He felt foolish for not realizing. Of course Rick would never be anyone's choice, unless he was the only one left to make.

 

"Right. So that really wasn’t…”

 

“And the bond, why didn't the bond break? You didn't go far enough?" Rick asks, he has to know. It was supposed to be the one good thing that came out of this - for Carl.

 

It had certainly _felt_ like Negan had gone far enough.

 

"Rick…”

 

"You should have finished it. Even if I died. You should have broken it for Carl's sake."

 

Negan's jaw clenches. Rick can't help but feel faintly terrified, something like panic welling up inside him. Then Negan scrubs a hand over his face and his expression eases.

 

"You look like you're going to faint any minute. Just rest, I'll take care of Judith. And Rick…I won't touch you." The last statement is said with such sincerity, with such seriousness, while Negan gazes into his eyes that Rick has to laugh.

 

He hadn't even been worried about that. It hadn't crossed his mind that Negan would touch him again, not after his horrified stares the morning after. Because nothing was worse than a used, filthy omega. Which is what he is, and he doesn't need to hear it because he already knew there was no one out there who would want him twice. There must be a touch of hysteria in his laugh because Negan gives him a look. Then, without permission, Rick's laugh nosedives rapidly into a sob.

 

Negan withdraws at that, pointedly doesn't look at him. He just scoops Judith up and leaves the room. 

 

 

 

Negan tries not to clutch Judith tightly in his arms. She must feel his struggle because she throws her little arms around him and tightly holds him back. He hadn't meant to make himself a fucking liar with that 'I won't touch you' schtick.  What he'd been trying to communicate was that he wasn't going to hurt Rick again.

 

Negan feels completely out of his depth. His heart reacted violently to the tears on Rick's face, and he hates the lack of control. It's his instinct to immediately put a stop to anything he doesn't like, and in the past he'd mainly achieved that through force. Patience is not his strong suit. He's only glad he didn't say anything regrettable, more damaging. If he'd let his frustration speak for him he might have tried to call Rick out for being a little bitch, might have told him to just get over it. Neither sentiment is fair.

 

He knocks at Carl's door.

 

"How is he?" Carl asks, reluctantly letting them inside.

 

"Not good."

 

"We can't talk about this in front of Judith."

 

"She doesn't understand us anyway." Negan puts her down on the floor, and she starts to crawl around.

 

"Fine. What can we do about it?"

 

"Your dad's having a mental breakdown."

 

Carl swallows hard, like he's swallowing glass and Negan knows exactly how he feels.

 

“You left him there? In your rooms?"

 

"I know you don't want to hear this, but finishing the bonds would really help. I think it'd go a long way to helping him feel better."

 

"That isn't happening. You're not going to touch him again, and neither am I."

 

"Sex education, you seriously need to get your hands on a manual or something, kid.” Negan says tiredly, “the way a bond works, a finished bond, is like a mental link. You can feel the person on the other end. It gets stronger as you get closer. We could comfort him, then he wouldn't be so fucking sad...I know you can feel that too. He can't seem to get well enough of a hold on it to block it. Probably doesn't know he's even doing it."

 

Carl stares at him coolly. Negan tries again.

 

"I know it's counter intuitive. We'll be vulnerable to him too, he won't have to be afraid of us. Besides, we wouldn't do it right away. We'd warm him up to it first."

 

"He'd never agree to it."

 

"Omegas want to submit to their Alpha… _Alphas_. We'll get there."

 

"I _can't_ hurt him again. I just can't."

 

"You won't. I won't. We'll just have to...keep each other in check."

 

Carl doesn't look convinced, but it seems like he might be slowly coming around. Negan continues.

 

"For now though, I need you to go deal with him. He's..."

 

"What?"

 

"Hysterical, I think."

 

Carl glares hard at him on his way out the door.

 

 

 

_Hate you so much sometimes I could just..._

 

There, at that moment, Carl had reached up, wrapped both hands around his neck and throttled him. He'd choked weakly. He had clung, almost thankful, to the feeling of Carl's hands around his neck, anything to block out what else was being done.

 

Rick thinks it's strange that Negan should have a similar predisposition to strangling.

 

_Fucking filthy omega slut. Taking my dick so well - like a fucking champ Rick! Gotta give it up for Carl, opening up your ass like that good - ready to use._

 

Negan. Although his language was more abusive, more sexually explicit and lewd, somehow it hurt less.

 

_Can't do a goddamn thing right...shouldn't have come back, should have stayed dead back in that hospital. We didn't want you back, why did you think we left you behind?_

 

"Dad?" Carl's voice cuts through his thoughts.

 

Rick wipes at his tears quickly before turning around from his position on Negan's bed.

 

"Carl," he croaks, then clears his throat, gravel disappearing. "I thought you wanted some time alone?"

 

Carl looks suspicious and Rick immediately knows it's not good.

 

"I called your name a few times. But I was standing over there." Carl gestures to his right.

 

"Sorry, I just got lost in my thoughts."

 

Carl frowns down at him.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"Yes.”

 

And it's clear he's not.

 

Carl approaches stiffly. It isn't like they hadn't hugged since...the prison, but Carl tended to avoid prolonged contact. So Rick's surprised when Carl sits down next to him and slowly brings his arms up around him. The embrace is gentle and warm.

 

Rick can't seem to keep his tears back then when Carl maneuvers his head onto his shoulder. Doesn't know what's wrong with him, why he can't stop himself. He sobs into Carl's shirt, shaking, and hates himself for putting Carl into the position of comforter.

 

Eventually, he's asleep in Carl's arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Fourth of July Frens!

Rick, thankfully, wakes up before Carl, who has an arm wrapped around Rick's waist. It's just past daybreak, a yellow sheen slowly warming the room. He berates himself for not keeping track of where Negan and Judith are. It tugs at him, bothers him. It's downright irresponsible.

After disengaging himself, he slowly shuffles his way down the surprisingly unguarded hall. Feels steady on his feet for the first time since...it happened. It seems unfair that everything still hurts almost as much as when it was fresh. Only now he feels achy and isolated, trapped in the memory. His ribs hurt the most, and he can feel that his face is still a mess. The overwhelming pain is almost a good thing, drowns out things he can't allow himself to dwell on. He tries not to let the pain show on his face.

Negan and Judith are where he suspected, in Carl's room. Negan isn't sleeping though, he's softly peering down at Judith, stroking her hair as he hums softly.

For a moment Rick thinks Negan doesn't notice him, but then his eyes are rising to meet Rick's - deliberately unthreatening, like he's schooled them to be soft. It makes Rick feel like he's prey being lulled into a false sense of security. Rick tries very hard not to flinch. Negan stretched out beside his baby girl unsettles him.

"I can take her now."

"She's sleeping Rick, why don't you come lay down beside her?"

Rick hesitates, doesn't think 'no' will go over all that well. Negan shifts up into a sitting position, careful not to disturb the sleeping baby beside him, watches Rick.

"Nevermind that, I wanted to talk to you about getting into a routine today."

Rick can only assume Negan means finding a place for Rick to fit into, to contribute.

"Well...I'm not a great hunter, or even really a good runner. I used to grow things.....but that didn't work out. I guess the only thing I'm good at is killing Walkers, maybe laying traps or something. I'd probably be useful out on the front lines."

"You're not going out on the front lines, I can tell you that right now. That routine I was talking about? I meant a home routine."

Rick doesn't know how to respond, doesn't quite know what Negan means. It's uncomfortable to meet the man's gaze so he doesn't.

"Rick, you do know routines are good for omegas?"

"No, I, uh, didn't know that." Rick doesn't really feel like he's an omega anyway, at least not the proper kind.

"No wonder Carl doesn't know shit. Fucking Georgia,” Negan scoffs softly, rising from the bed. He reaches down and picks Judith up, careful not to wake her. "How about some breakfast?"

 

Breakfast is served in Negan's rooms with the four of them. It's surprisingly lavish. Hashbrowns, eggs, coffee and thick slices of ham. Rick sits to Negan's left, afraid to miss any words. Carl sits across from him.

"So Carl," Negan starts, bouncing a happy and awake Judith on his knee, "what do you think you'd like to do here?"

"What else is there to do but run or be a soldier?" Carl's voice sounds bland, uninterested.

Negan catches Rick's gaze and shakes his head exasperatedly. Rick can't get into the spirit of it. His jaw hurts from chewing just the eggs and he puts his fork down, catches Carl frowning as he does.

"You could be a medical apprentice, a cook, mechanic, even my second-in-command. Hell, you can jar pickles for all I care. Now that we have your boy Eugene, you could even be in munitions or a whole host of other things he's putting together. I heard mention of blacksmithing and a bread machine. You wanna be a baker Carl?"

"Can I think about it?" Carl says, but Rick can see the way he perks up at the mention of munitions and blacksmithing. Negan seems to notice it too. Rick refuses to let him catch his eye again, doesn't want to be roped into the forced camaraderie.

"Sure. I'm generous, take until tomorrow. And how about you Rick? Which occupation do you think would suit you?"

Rick forces himself to look Negan square in the face, but there isn't the mockery he'd imagined anywhere in it. He isn't sure what to say and must take too long because Negan turns to Carl.

"Well kid, what do you think your Dad would be suited for?"

"Farming, crops. I think he'd like that." Carl looks miserable when he says it. Probably remembering.

"Would you like that Rick?"

"No, I…I told you. I'm not good at it. Should be something combative I think."

"I told you that's not happening Rick. Now I don't care what you do but it has to take place within these walls. You can be a trainer, or maybe help Eugene with his projects. In fact, I think you should probably be in charge of the young ones."

For a moment Rick sees red, he's so offended he can hardly think straight. Can't keep it off his face. He isn't good with kids, Carl and Judith are proof of that. And damn Negan for bringing it up. His blood roars in his ears and he only tunes back in halfway through Negan's sentence.

"...can see you don't like that one. That's fine. If you can't choose by tomorrow, I'll be putting you with Eugene."

 

As far as Rick can tell, Negan doesn't really do anything for the rest of the day. He pops out for around twenty minutes at a time, leaving Carl and him and Judith to their own devices. Rick's unsure if they're allowed to leave Negan's quarters so they don't. Carl stares at him judgingly whenever he moves around too much so Rick makes it a point to rest.

There's a television in the room and Rick picks out a cartoon to put on for Judith. She loves it. Her whole face lights up and Rick can't help but smile, while laughing softly to himself. Carl smiles too and their eyes meet. In that moment, Carl's gaze skitters away. Rick feels his smile fade but then Carl is looking at him again; it's obvious he's steeling himself. It's intense somehow and Rick feels his throat go dry.

After a beat Rick lowers his eyes, suddenly feeling very unsure. He clears his throat, wills himself not to screw up.

"So…Blacksmith, Carl?" Rick is trying to subtly sway him. Gunpowder is dangerous.

"I guess..."

Rick is grateful Carl is on his left; he's speaking low in his throat and Rick has to lean in a little to hear.

 

Negan is back again.

"Well that's done. I'm all yours for the rest of the day." Rick watches as he props Lucille against the wall and shrugs off his leather jacket. He stiffens when Negan drops down on his other side. “Whatcha watching Rick?"

Judith coos at Negan; she likes him.

"Uh...um,” Rick begins, not quite catching what Negan had said.

It's alright though because Negan doesn't really pay attention, begins to play with a giggling Judith.

When Judy's movie is over, Negan pops another one in. It's only the middle of the afternoon but exhaustion begins to overwhelm Rick. It's almost a relief, since everything hurts so bad. Rick doesn't exactly try to fight it.

 

"Fucking Shit!" Negan straightens up abruptly, startling Carl. Rick is passed out between them, Judith curled up on his lap.

"What?" Carl asks in alarm.

“I…fuck! I forgot."

"What?!" Carl says again, more firmly, alarm slowly edging to annoyance.

"I was going to give your Dad painkillers. But then he…”

"What?" Carl asks again, only now it sounds low and dangerous.

"Just…fuck, just watch him. I'll be back,” and then Negan is out of the room.

He's back a few minutes later, Doctor in tow. He sticks Rick with something and the difference is startlingly obvious. Rick's body seems to unfurl, face relaxing minutely. He even breathes easier.

The Doctor hands Negan a bottle of pills.

"One every four hours, maximum six a day."

The Doctor leaves and Carl stares at Negan, stone-faced. It's an expression Negan's seen on Rick. Negan wants to argue that if it weren't for that fucking steely and damn misleading expression, he'd have remembered immediately Rick was in pain - immense pain. If he'd just show it. If he were just honest. He feels immediately ashamed of himself, and sick, remembering how honest Rick's face was a few nights ago.

It's inexcusable.

"Don't fuck up again,” is what Carl says. 

Negan doesn't plan to.

 

When Rick wakes up he feels almost normal again. Almost - not good - but okay. He's on the bed and it's night. There's a fire going and he can hear Negan and Carl talking although he can't really make out the words. They stop when he sits up.

They're on the couches playing cards. A crib has been set up and Judith is watching them quietly, almost interested. She smiles and babbles excitedly when she sees him.

"Rick! Why don't you join us?"

He rolls gingerly off the bed and goes over, sets himself on Carl's right, across from Negan.

"How do you feel Dad?"

"Good." He's surprised how close it is to the truth.

Negan shakes a bottle of pills at him.

"These are yours. One every four hours, max six a day."

Rick picks up the bottle. The tiny dilaudid pills are blue.

“I…” he begins, tries to think of a way he can say it that will ensure he will get what he wants. Can't think of a way, "I don't need these as much as my people. I would like to send them to Alexandria."

He doesn't expect to win, but he still has to try. He assumes the pills with be confiscated for his ungratefulness. Instead Negan just sighs.

"Thought you might say something like that. So I put a few medical supplies aside to return to Alexandria. You're going to take them Rick, as prescribed, and you're not going to want me to make you."

Rick's stomach twists at the firm words. Still, it's more than he hoped for so he nods weakly. He takes the cap off the bottle and shakes a pill out. Negan hands him a glass of water. When it's time to sleep again, Rick is surprised that Negan takes the couch.

 

Rick's home routine turns out to be very basic. Negan lays it out for him at breakfast the next morning, although he's warned he's on bed rest for a few days yet. He's put in charge of fetching breakfast in the mornings for the four of them, of feeding Judith and laying out Negan's things for the day. It irks him but he supposes Negan must figure if Rick has to share his quarters he might as well make him beneficial to the man himself.

The only thing Rick can think of as to why Negan is sharing his quarters is appearances. He'd unwittingly bonded with Rick and was paying a price for it. In fact, he was being much more civil about it than Rick could have imagined. He's even letting him work with Eugene, as part of his routine.

He's to drop Judith off with the rest of the kids and report for work until late afternoon. After which he's to shower and then bond with his new family unit. 

Family unit.

Negan's exact words. 

Rick would never see him as part of his family and he had no doubt the feeling was mutual. If anything it was the pre-apocalypse equivalent of staying together for the kids. Rick could work with that until he had to. Thought there may be a chance to persuade Negan to try again to break his and Carl's bond in the future. If that happened he had no doubts Negan would break theirs as well.

The painkillers make him feel much better. But he finds it forces him to deal with the non-physical issues. He tries to see it as an opportunity to get his head on straight.

It's not as hard as what happened with Carl. He doesn't need to delve that far to put it to rest. If anything, he can almost forget the rut part, like it's an extension of a different memory, Negan's hate-filled words blurring with his father's and his grandfather's. Just more slurs to add to the pile. Empty, ugly slurs.

Like Carl, Negan never wanted him. Would never want him. It's almost good luck that Rick is a bad omega. An omega who is not meant to be loved or cherished like the rest. He is a single-use only omega and it hurts to know that about himself - what his father had always known and now what Negan and Carl know too. He may exactly be filth, a slut and all the things he'd been accused of but it also meant that they wouldn't touch him again.

Whatever his nature, it's not going to stop Rick from trying. Trying to be the best father he can be, and trying to do the best for his community. No matter how low he's brought, there's always something he can do - however small - to make a difference. It takes him a couple of days, but Rick gets the hang of it.

 

Negan notices a change. Honestly, it fills him with relief. Rick seems to be coming back to himself a little bit more. He meets his eyes and doesn't shy away. There isn't hurt echoed there anymore. Instead, Rick looks almost determined. His face is healing nicely, swelling gone and bruises fading, and he walks solidly with purpose. He doesn't tremble when Negan lies beside him on the bed, he jokes with Carl. Smiles at Judy, plays. If Negan didn't know any better he'd say Rick was downright conversational, asking Negan about plans for the community. Whether there were crops plotted after all or a plan to make a regularly patrolled safe road to other communities.

Which is a fucking good idea.

And yet, there's still that ache of sadness radiating from him. He knows Carl can feel it too. It's sobering. Whatever Rick's coping method, Negan doesn't feel like he has a right to judge, but he's a little wary too. Afraid Rick's going to pick the wrong moment to crumble.

He pulls Carl aside, into the boy's room.

"Was he like this afterward with you?"

"More or less. It took him a lot longer to...feel okay."

"Great. So he's getting used to being abused by sadistic-ass alphas. How comforting to know he'll spring back sooner every time." It's sarcastic in tone and Carl glares openly.

"He's strong. But…” Carl pauses, reluctantly continues, “maybe we should just let him be. Stop trying to get closer."

"It's fucking permanent Carl. I'm not going to stop. You'll come around. You'll see it'll be much better when there's a fully functioning, loving mind you, relationship and not whatever shit show this is now."

"Yeah. Okay."

"You on board?"

"I said yes."

 

Eugene is happy to see Rick. A twitch of his lips is all he shows.

"Rick, fancy seeing you here,” he says in his flat, awkward tone.

"Eugene, it's good to see you too."

Rick almost wants to hug the man with how dejected he looks. Instead he clears his throat and looks around the shop room.

"So, what have you been up to here?" Eugene technobabbles and all Rick really catches are bits and pieces.

 

Later, when there's only them, Eugene turns to Rick quietly.

"About my defection…”

"Eugene, that's not necessary."

"I want you to know that if I had a choice, if there ever was one to be made…”

"Neither of us have a choice. This is how we survive."

"Abraham…” Eugene's voice cracks on the word.

"I-I'm sorry."

Rick thinks about Glenn, and all the other people they've lost. There's not much fight in him. At least, not against Negan anymore. There's no way to go back, he's too broken to reconcile the past, and it'll drive him crazy if he doesn't go forward.   
He resolves to do better.

 

That night, bonding is ping pong. Rick is still stiffer than he would like so he decides to just watch Negan and Carl play. They're good. A few people gather around to watch and Rick is almost surprised he's allowed to integrate into normal society. He strikes up a conversation with a bystander. He almost misses Negan looking at him with something like pride. Unexpectedly it goes straight to his stomach like butterflies.

He feels his face go hot, tries not to dwell on it.

Negan let's Carl win once. It's obvious and Carl grumbles about it on the way back to their quarters. It's so domestic, reminds him so much of bowling night with Lori back when they'd all been safe, that his heart aches. Carl hugs him goodnight. Judith is sleeping in his room tonight; they'd moved the crib earlier.

Rick hadn't given it a second thought but when Negan and him make it to the bedroom, he feels a hand on his lower back.

He doesn't hear the words whispered in his bad ear but he can feel Negan's warm breath. He jerks away, turns to face him.

"Easy,” Negan says, voice soft. "We're both adults here Rick. I just want to watch some fucking porn. That alright with you?"

"No."

"Well tough, You don't have to watch with me. You can go to sleep."

Rick does, or tries to. He can't drown out the noises. Even with his deaf ear. If he turns over to press his good ear against the pillow he'll only be giving himself a view of all the happenings. Negan is so obviously touching himself, alpha scent permeating the room, but the noises from the screen are so much worse.

It's roleplay. A woman is pretending to be the omega. She's begging wantonly. The alpha is telling her she's a worthless slut. Rick hates it. Hates it so much he wants to cry. But then somewhere in the middle of the degradation, the tone changes. Alpha is praising omega with gentle, kind words.

Rick begins to get hard, and wet. He hates himself. Knows Negan could come over and lift the covers and smell it on him if he wanted. He feels tears of humiliation well in his eyes. He bites his lip hard, until he tastes blood. Negan groans loudly. After a few minutes, he switches the television off, pops out the video tape, chucks it on a high shelf where Judith can't get to it.

"Let me see,” is what he says when he gets up on the bed. He turns Rick's face towards him and Rick gasps, shocked at the touch. Negan only looks regretful. He swipes at the blood on Rick's lip with the pad of this thumb.

"Sorry, I'm fucking sorry." He says, "I won't do that again. Don't fucking cry Rick."

When Rick isn't forthcoming, Negan hesitantly continues.

"You want me to bring you to Carl?"

Rick shakes his head. Doesn't want Carl to see him again like this.

"No, I'm...fine,” Rick croaks out, wiggles away from Negan who lets him.

Negan doesn't sleep on the couch again but he bodily tucks himself closer to the edge of the bed. Rick appreciates it.


	4. Scrub

 

 

 

 

Negan doesn't know how the fuck he thought it'd be a good idea. As if he was going to seduce Rick. He hadn't been trying to. He'd only meant to get him used to the idea. 

 

The idea of sex, of intimacy. He knew he fucked up immediately when that low scent - and Rick had been aroused! - turned sharp.

 

Pulling the man over into his arms had revealed a wet mess of tears and a smudge of blood at the corner of his mouth.

 

It was frustrating, for things not to be easy. He thought of how much less easy things must be for Rick. Not that Rick showed it.

 

 

 

Rick fetched breakfast for the four of them, surprised at how comforting and how easy it was to get lost in the routine. Negan had been right; he liked it. He steeled himself to face everyone before entering the room.

 

He tried not to be embarrassed because if he started, then there would be no end to it.

 

"Less bacon," Negan peered at the plates set before them, "what the hell Rick? It's the apocalypse and you're worried about high cholesterol?!”

 

"I'm sorry," Rick said after a pause, "I'll get it right tomorrow."

 

"No, that's okay. I kind of like my mate fussing over me."

 

At that Rick _was_ embarrassed, did blush. He was extremely relieved when there was no mention of the night before. He shrugged, trying to shake the feeling off. Carl was looking at him.

 

"Thanks for breakfast Dad." Carl looked between the two, him and Negan, coolly.

 

Rick laid out Negan's jacket on the bed, unsure of what else Negan would need. He didn't touch Lucille.

 

 

 

After that, Rick's day went faster than he'd like until he found himself in front of Negan's door. Him and Eugene had finished the bread baker oven Eugene had been working on since before Rick arrived. Tomorrow they were going to test it. Rick couldn't deny he was excited at the prospect of fresh bread.

 

It made him angry, though, to think that none would ever reach Alexandria. He thought about maybe persuading Negan to let them set one up there, to free other foods up for trade. He believed Negan was all about the bottom line, he just needed to make a convincing argument.

 

That and the ability to look Negan in the face.

 

"Well hello there Rick!" Rick startled at the hand that came to rest gently on his hip. “You going in?"

 

He'd been standing outside of Negan's door.

 

He pushed the door open abruptly, coloring slightly. Negan breezed past him.

 

"Carl should be here any moment."

 

"I haven't showered yet. I need to pick up Judith too."

 

"Running a little late, are we?"

 

The words felt like an admonishment and Rick stiffened.

 

"You take a shower," Negan continued, "I'll go get Judith."

 

 

 

When Rick came back out, Carl and Judith were playing with animal figurines on the floor.

 

Rick took a seat on one of the couches, trying to block his right side so he wouldn't miss anything.

 

Carl got up and sat beside him, silent.

 

"You look tired Rick, how about we cut tonight short?" Negan asked.

 

"I would like that, thank you." Rick hesitated, "I...I just wondered if tonight I could stay in Carl's room? If that's okay-"

 

Rick glanced at Carl, unsure if his son would appreciate it. Carl nodded at him though, smiled unconvincingly.

 

"Sure, I can take Judith tonight."

 

"No, no that's fine. Judith can stay with me."

 

"Rick. I'll take Judith tonight."

 

Rick steeled his jaw unhappily, that implication that Negan had first brought up - the suggestion of him and Carl - put him on edge.

 

"Ok. Thanks,” he bit out.

 

 

 

Carl began to pull a blanket off the bed, hesitated, then put it back.

 

"I can sleep on the floor."

 

"You're not sleeping on the floor Dad. It's a King-sized bed, we'll share."

 

"Ok, if you're sure."

 

"Yes, I'm sure."

 

"You want the corner?"

 

"You take it."

 

Rick began pulling off his clothes until he noticed Carl staring at him. His hands slowed.

 

"Sorry I didn't mean to..."

 

Rick wasn't sure what he was going to apologize for. He didn't mean to startle Carl? 

 

Who'd seen him in boxers and shorts a million times before? For that matter, the act of undressing wasn't even something that should remind Carl of anything unsavory. Carl had hardly undressed him, only enough to -

 

Rick suppressed the thought; by then Carl had turned away. He finished shucking his jeans and crawled into bed.

 

"Rick." Rick shivered, the name unexpected. He turned to Carl, to tell him to knock it off, but stopped short at Carl's unwavering gaze, "I love you, you know that right?"

 

Rick softened.

 

"Of course. I love you too Carl."

 

"You're so...good,” Carl continued, voice soft.

 

Rick's face began to heat in spite of himself. He couldn't think of a response. Carl rested a warm hand on Rick's arm.

 

"Really good."

 

"O-oh,” Rick said, caught off guard. It wasn't true but it sent butterflies careening through his stomach anyway. Suddenly he felt ashamed. If anything his face turned redder.

 

"I wanted you to know how good you are. That I know how good you are."

 

"That's not - I’m not good Carl."

 

"Yes, you are,” Carl said vehemently. "You're _so_ good, so loyal, so pure. Such a good omega. You don't even see how good you are."

 

Maybe it was the word ‘Omega’ that changed the context. But suddenly Rick was - he couldn't even say the word. He felt Carl lean towards him, breathing deeply, scenting him. Shame crashed through him. Carl pulled back, but whether it was because of Rick's inappropriate reaction or the sudden change in scent, Rick couldn't say. But he could guess.

 

He got out of bed, pushing Carl away, and fled.

 

 

 

He spent the night in the hallway because he couldn't bring himself to face Carl again, couldn't face Negan either. He didn't sleep.

 

He was relentlessly glad when day broke and he could once again settle into the rhythm of his routine. It was the only thing he wasn't screwing up. He laid breakfast and Negan's things out, careful not to wake the man. Picked up Judith and fled like the coward he was.

 

 

 

"How is that for delicious Rick? Do you think it's satisfactory?"

 

"Eugene, I think this is the best thing I've ever tasted." The bread was chewy and moist with a hint of smoke.

 

"Well I certainly hope your mate thinks so."

 

Rick shifted uncomfortably.

 

"I meant no offense Rick. It's just that everyone knows."

 

Rick couldn't bring himself to ask if everyone knew about him and Carl as well.

 

"Do you mind if I bag up some of this bread?"

 

"Of course not. There was just one other thing...I noticed your auditory reflexes are not what they used to be...that is, your right ear."

 

Rick paled.

 

"You're not gonna tell him."

 

"No. Because you are."

 

"Eugene..."

 

"It's dangerous here for me Rick. I can't get caught keeping something like this a secret."

 

Rick had to clear his throat over the lump that had formed. He felt irrationally betrayed.

 

"How long are you giving me?" he asked.

 

"You should tell him tonight. He'll want to see me tomorrow, to discuss my progress."

 

 

 

Rick picked up Judith first.

 

He knew he had to go in, but when he got to Negan's door he hesitated outside of it, a bag of fresh bread clenched in his fist. He knew he owed Carl an apology but the subject was just so...he didn't know how he was going to explain it. He didn't want to do it in front of Negan either. The man hadn't taunted him yet over his lack of control and his awful baseness, but part of him couldn't help but think he was shoring up the insults for a rainy day, to make them hurt more.

 

Negan was vulgar. His words more filthy than Rick could have imagined was even possible. But that had been rut - and probably, Rick himself. There was something in Negan that must have recognized what he was.

 

"You know we're out here right?" Negan's deeply amused voice reverberated behind Rick. Judith cooed, immediately reaching for Carl. "That smells damn delicious by the way. Eugene's bread machine?"

 

Rick nodded, passed Judith off reluctantly, eyes glued to the floor.

 

When they were inside, Rick set the bread on the table. Negan produced a board game from under his bed. He stopped when he noticed the tense atmosphere.

 

"Did something happen between you two?"

 

Rick made a decision. It was better to get it over with.

 

"If you'll excuse us, I need to talk to my son." He moved towards the door.

 

"No." The words shocked Rick, halting him. When he glanced over, Carl looked determined if a little regretful. "We're your Alphas. You can say what you need to here."

 

"Carl I,” Rick felt his face heat, his neck too. "Please not here."

 

"It's okay, it'll be okay Dad. Just say what you need to."

 

“I,” Rick could feel tears fill his eyes, had to force the words out. "I'm sorry about last night. That's not what I intended to happen. I-it just did."

 

He felt humiliated. He wrenched his hand up to swipe at his eyes. He wasn't the wronged party, he shouldn't be crying. He'd probably frightened Carl, if not disgusted him.

 

"Rick," Negan was circling closer, "was what happened last night like what happened the night before?"

 

Rick gave a short nod. It was a small mercy he wasn't asked to say it.

 

"That's natural. It's a natural reaction. It's not something you should be distressed about."

 

"I'm not distressed."

 

"But you are Dad. And - about last night - you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all."

 

"Carl,” he tries, but it feels like a weight has been taken from his shoulders.

 

"Don't. It's like Negan said, it's natural. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

"Listen to your kid Rick." Negan's hand comes to rest on Rick's shoulder. "You're a good omega."

 

Like before, Rick blames those words for sealing his fate. He doesn't think to bring up the discussion of bread and trade. So lost is he in a haze of good feeling - Carl forgives him! - that Eugene's ultimatum flees his mind. He's loose, and almost happy, when he climbs in Negan's bed that night.

 

 

 

The dream is worse because it takes bits and pieces of what actually happened and fits them together, inverts their meaning into what Rick wants. 

 

It sickens him to know that he wants it.

 

Can hear Negan's crooning.

 

_Pretty. So beautiful Rick._

 

And Carl's stuttered words.

 

_Love you. Always will. Need you._

 

Of course that isn't really what had been said and when Rick wakes, arousal thrumming through him, he feels shame eat at him anyway. Hates himself for twisting Negan's nonsensical sentiments into little bits of praise, Carl's blank hate into testaments of love. It's sick of him, he knows that. He focuses on trying to recall the words properly before he gets too lost in the fantasy of love and acceptance.

 

_So fucking loose, fucking pretty little stretched out hole, fucking ruined by my cock. So fucking beautiful with my cum leaking out of it Rick._

 

and

 

_I l-love hurting you. A-always will. Because you know you deserve it. I don't need you. Nobody does._

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Teeth

 

 

 

 

 

Whether Carl had forgiven him or not, whether Negan even still thought about the other night or not, Rick couldn't seem to tame his embarrassment. 

 

To put it mildly. 

 

Combined with Rick's own fantasies, it was more the rough edge of humiliation. The morning light seemed to make it worse. He wasn't even sure he could look in the mirror.

 

He'd meant to put it all behind him, and he'd been doing good. Had done good even the first time. He'd fought his way into being Carl's father again, into redirecting that bitterness, however deserved, into something constructive. Something good for Carl. Now all his good intentions seemed to be fluttering from his grasp, subverted by his own nature.

 

He had to do better. And whatever he'd been...thinking, had to stop.

 

 

 

Negan had tons of shit to do. He'd delegated too many tasks already to Simon and Arat while he had been busy with Rick. With Rick more or less fully healed, he couldn't really ignore the state of things any longer. Had to kick things into high gear. His first stop had to be Eugene.

 

"Well there's my bullet maker."

 

The man stiffened, eyes darting around.

 

"Negan,” he greeted.

 

"Where's Rick?"

 

"He wasn't feeling too well. He went to get some fresh air on the steps."

 

"Not feeling too well?"

 

"Yes, Negan, sir. That brings me to another point."

 

"Yes?" Negan prompted at Eugene's reluctance.

 

"Well, judging how lost in thought he was this morning he didn't - that is - I believe it's my duty to inform you that your mate is ailing."

 

"Ailing." Negan didn't like the sound of it, “well, that could just be because I beat the shit out of him when we mated. He's allowed to _ail_."

 

"Sir, I am referring specifically to his aural impairment."

 

“English, Eugene.”

 

"His right ear. He can't hear out of it."

 

Negan barked a laugh, thinking it was a joke for a second, but one look at the man's face erased that notion. Eugene's face was a potent mixture of fear, uncertainty and worry.

 

"You won't punish him, will you?"

 

Negan didn't respond. It seemed imperative that he get the doctor at once. He turned on his heel and left.

 

 

 

"Rick, I'm sorry." Eugene had burst through the door behind Rick. He looked shell shocked. His hands were trembling.

 

"Eugene, what happened?"

 

"I-I told him. I told Negan." Eugene's alarm gave Rick a jolt of guilt. When the words sunk in he felt sick to his stomach.

 

"That's okay, Eugene. I totally forgot...I know I told you I was going to. I did mean to."

 

"Is he going to hurt you?"

 

"No." Rick was surprised to find he believed it. It didn't stop dread and shame from sticking heavily in his throat. "Let's just get back to work."

 

 

 

Negan, contrary to his plans, got nothing done. He'd made it halfway to Dr. Carson's before he remembered the exact blow. Rut was always hazy and muddled. If the rest of it had played out in the same vein as what he could remember, there was a possibility Rick was hiding more damage. The bruises were gone from his face and around his throat, but what about the stitches? He asked the Doc to check up on Rick but he'd never followed up to make sure if it was done - what if he missed something? Rick had been almost completely out that first day. Did he even remember the first day?

 

All Rick's pain and suffering with Carl. And Negan had to exacerbate it. Was still treating Rick like he was an alpha.

 

It was no wonder Rick didn't trust him. He'd told him he'd break the bond and he hadn't. Pledged he'd take care of him and he hadn't. He'd done the opposite, from the beginning.

 

He'd hurt him deeply and he'd drudged up old wounds. How him and Carl had ended up with Rick was a mystery. Rick deserved better, but it was permanent. Negan wouldn't be beating any bonds out anytime soon.

 

He'd have to do better.

 

He arranged for the Doctor to examine Rick in his quarters when Rick came in that night.

 

 

 

He didn't want to go in. He knew Negan knew, and Carl - if he didn't know already - would know very soon. It wasn't a big deal - and he knew that. Couldn't understand why it felt like such a big deal or why anyone should care.

 

He has to make himself open the door.

 

"Rick," Negan nods shortly at him, doesn't look him in the eyes.

 

The Doctor is seated on the couch and Rick has the impression they've been waiting for him. It makes something in his throat go tight. He sets Judith down.

 

"He's going to examine you."

 

"Is it just your ear or is anything else bothering you?"

 

"No," Rick stammers out, "everything else has healed just fine."

 

 

 

Carl comes in when they're just about done.

 

"Well, I think I can say with certainty that your hearing should be back within the month."

 

Negan lets out a breath Rick didn't know he was holding. Rick feels like he's been handed a gift.

 

"Your hearing?" Carl asks, frown firmly in place. He smells like smoke, probably something to do with smelt. Rick wouldn't know.

 

"It's nothing Carl."

 

The Doctor leaves.

 

"His right ear, it was out of commission since I...." Negan begins, fades out.

 

"It's nothing, really. I can still hear."

 

"I should have known,” Carl says, solemn.

 

"Carl, that's ridiculous, you couldn't have known."

 

Carl invades Rick's space, puts his arms around him.

 

"I should have known,” he says roughly. Rick's chest warms. Negan lays a hand on his shoulder and keeps it there all night.

 

 

 

It spirals out of Rick's control after that. Suddenly Rick can't distance the thoughts, he construes everything as gentle and loving. 

 

As _arousing_. 

 

He knows they can smell it on him. Can see it in the way Carl's gaze dips to take him in or the way Negan's eyes turn heated. Hates it but doesn't know how to hide it, how to make it stop. It's a small mercy they don't bring it up.

 

He takes to trying to tire himself out in the shower. His treacherous thoughts skitter over his memories. He remembers how Alpha plunged into him, how Alpha wanted him, how good he made Alpha feel, and how Alpha felt inside him. It's Carl, and it's Negan.

 

He pretends that he's precious, that he's wanted. That 'I love you’s’ are being whispered in his ear and soft fingers pet his hair.

 

He can't seem to stop himself.

 

He tries to keep focused on the work he wants to get done. Tries to remember he has a duty.

 

 

 

Rick runs the bread machine solo, now that Eugene has moved on to bigger things. He misses the man, not only for startling awkwardness but his genuineness. The link to old ties.

 

It's surprisingly rewarding to have a vocation. To measure the output of bread, determine how many mouths it'll feed, the amount of ingredients they'll have to get a hold of. And the smell of baking bread is an added perk.

 

He hasn't let the idea of trade go and he brings it up at bonding time that night.

 

"Negan, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

 

Negan's gaze is piercing, hungry, it makes Rick uncomfortable.

 

But something else as well.

 

"Well, it's the bread. I think it'd be beneficial to outsource it."

 

"You're talking about putting an oven in another community."

 

"Alexandria."

 

"Right." Negan stretches the word out which reminds Rick he probably has a limited time to convince him.

 

"So, we'd initially put it in, teach them how to use it. Maybe you'd take a portion of it until we got our production up. But once we had enough," Rick knows he's speaking too fast but he's suddenly flustered, Negan's eyes on him too long. "T-then once they got production up it'd free up their other food for trade maybe or..."

 

He'd meant to ease into the mention of trade better.

 

"How could I have ever thought you were an alpha?" Negan's gaze is gentle when he says it, leaning towards him, but the words cut Rick to the core. Show him how useless he actually is, how futile.

 

"It's a good idea," Carl says, to cut through the tension.

 

"If we trade with Alexandria, we'd have to trade with everyone."

 

Rick wrings his hands.

 

"That's the idea dipshit,” Carl says and Negan only laughs, though Rick feels his heart stutter. Tries to open his mouth to scold Carl but can't.

 

"That's what you want Rick?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Why should I?"

 

"Because what you have now won't hold forever." Negan makes a motion for Rick to go on, "I was gonna go to war with you."

 

The admission is dense, weighs Rick down, takes away his options. Negan's expression turns from one of open shock to something ugly and frightening.

 

"That's what you were gonna do, huh Rick?" Negan's like a cat, stalking his prey. Rick holds himself still.

 

"Yes, if that's what was necessary to let my children live in a free world."

 

"Free!? _Motherfucking free!?_ That's what you fucking think it'd be?" At Negan's snarled words, Judith starts crying. Carl's already moving to get between them as he continues his tirade. "Fucking weak omega like you thinks he's gonna beat _me_? What a fucking joke. It wasn't me on the floor crying like a bitch because my tiny prepubescent son raped me."

 

Carl cracks a fist across Negan's face at that and he stumbles back a step. Rick's face is bloodless, he looks like he's in pain. He's only staring at the floor when he speaks.

 

"Who told...Carl never..." Rick sits heavily on the floor, collapses. Judith crawls for him. Rick shakes his head in denial, “…it wasn't like that...Carl..."

 

Carl is frozen and Negan is silent. He'd regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

 

"It's my fault,” Rick says suddenly. Judith reaches him and he scoops her up. Quiets her tears. "Don't you put that on Carl. It's my fault. I _am_ weak. An omega that…I never wanted…I know what I am. And I'm trying my _best!_ ” Rick's voice hitches, "and I know it isn't enough. But Carl he…it was a mistake. Just a mistake."

 

Rick gets up from the floor with obvious effort, Judith in his arms.

 

"Let me know what your decision is about the bread. I'm gonna put Judith to bed."

 

They don't follow him, and he doesn't come back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Stick

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carl doesn't know what he's expecting. Well, he knows what he's expecting. He's expecting Rick - _Dad_ , he corrects - to somehow come and make everything better. To redefine directions, to cobble together a plan and make everything okay. 

 

Like he always does.

 

Carl wants to obey, promises himself he will out of respect, because he owes his Dad that. He tries to ignore the impulse that things would be simpler - better - if he just took control. Tries to remember the last time he gave into that.

 

So he's expecting Rick to have something to say, a plan of action.

 

Only, Rick doesn't.

 

Instead, the next morning he ducks his head when he brings in breakfast. Doesn't set out Negan's clothes and Negan doesn't call him on it. Negan just watches him sternly but Carl can see the way his face falls when Rick leaves, Judith cooing at his hip, without saying anything.

 

"Really screwed the pooch this time, hey kid?"

 

Carl rolls his eyes.

 

"Give him his oven."

 

"And what? Open trade with Alexandria?"

 

“Yes."

 

Negan blows a breath out, gives Carl a dark look.

 

"You both expecting me to just take orders like I'm the bitch in this relationship?"

 

"You implying that he is?"

 

"If the shoe fucking fits."

 

"Do you even believe half the things you spew out?"

 

Negan at least looks a little ashamed of himself, a little defensive.

 

“And if I do?"

 

"You should watch it because so does he."

 

"I'm not letting him go to Alexandria alone, fuck knows I'd never get him back."

 

"So, we'll go with him. How long would it take? A couple days?"

 

Carl doesn't need to tell Negan to think about it. He can tell by the other Alpha's silence that he already is.

 

 

 

 

When Negan comes upon Rick, he can't help the shiver of pure _want_ that slithers down his spine. Rick's working, the heat of the oven making him sweat through his thin t-shirt. His cheeks are pinked, mouth open, sweat damp curls stuck to his forehead. He looks, alternately, determined and a little desperate, as if he's arguing a point with himself.

 

Negan approaches, and he doesn't mean to be sneaky but Rick doesn't see him until he's about to shove a loaf in the oven. He stutters forward, arm pressing against the hot edge of the door.

 

"Fuck!" Negan says lowly in sympathy. Rick makes a small noise of pain but he doesn't drop the loaf. He finishes putting it in before he backs up, shielding his arm deliberately from Negan's view.

 

"You're here to talk about the oven?" Rick says. It's painfully clear he's trying to be casual but there's a little something off in his voice.

 

When he finally meets Negan's eyes there aren't the emotions Negan had been thinking he'd see. There isn't anger, or hate. If anything Rick looks self-conscious, blue eyes revealing shame and embarrassment. It's a little shocking and consequently Negan loses his train of thought. Rick glances away, shifts uncomfortably.

 

"Uh," Negan says dumbly before he catches Rick making an abortive motion, mouth tightening in pain, ”your arm..."

 

"It's fine,” Rick says dismissively, his eyebrows draw together. "I've been thinking of how to make this proposition more attractive-"

 

"Stop. Let's get some water on that first."

 

He drags Rick over to a basin in the corner. There's a little flour in the water and it's tepid at best. The heated line across Rick's forearm is already blistering.

 

"I fucking knew you couldn't hear and I just had to fucking- fuck!  We're gonna get you some burn ointment, okay?"

 

Rick stands quietly, watches him curiously.

 

"It doesn't matter,” Rick says firmly, pulls his arm gently out of Negan's grasp.

 

Negan looks at him then and it's like something clicks. He can't help what his face looks like, like thunderclouds. He knows because Rick edges back, eyes wide.

 

"Why doesn't it matter Rick?"

 

“I-it…we were talking about the oven. My arm doesn’t,” Rick stops, the desperation is back. "What do you want me to say?"

 

"Why don't you want to get ointment?"

 

"It's just a burn. I never said I don't want...I just don't need it."

 

"Doesn't it hurt?"

 

"So?" Rick is getting visibly frustrated. "What does that matter?"

 

"You're fucking serious, aren't you?" Negan's frustrated too, "I know I have a bad rap sheet with you. I fucking killed your two guys - which was tit-for-fucking-tat by the way. I'm jaded, not as democratic as you'd fucking like, but you really think I wouldn't care if my mate was suffering?"

 

It's obvious Rick's, in part, confused. Negan feels himself about to go off, always feels guilty when he loses control like this, but then Rick is looking up at him with those big blue eyes, lost and so fucking honest, desperate and hurt, that Negan thinks he can't breathe for a moment.

 

"Why would you care?" Rick shoots back weakly.

 

 

 

 

Negan is loitering outside Carl's door when he arrives.

 

"They said you called for me, what is it?" Carl asks but Negan just motions him inside. Sits down heavily on the bed.

 

"Carl. Can we just - I think I made a vital miscalculation."

 

"What's that?"

 

"I thought Rick at least understood our intentions. Mine at the very least, but he doesn't have a clue."

 

Carl chews the thought over. Rejects it almost immediately.

 

"That's not possible. He has to know how much we want him. Even if he doesn't want us."

 

"I don't think he does know."

 

"How could he not?" Carl asks, believes it without a doubt.

 

Negan gets up and paces distractedly.

 

"Did you ever say it? Did you ever tell him?"

 

"Didn't I show him?" It comes out bitter, but Carl really can't help that.

 

"Did you though? I know I fucking didn't. I can't remember most of it…but assuring him that I'd love and cherish him as a mate was probably the last thing on my mind when I was raping and beating him."

 

"I...I wouldn't have done those things if I didn't want him. Maybe for you, because it was rut, he might not think..."

 

The silence stretches.

 

"Why'd you do it kid?" The question surprises Carl. "You said it had something to do with punishing him, right?"

 

"Yeah. Told you, thought Judith was dead."

 

"And you blamed him for that."

 

"I blamed him for a lot of things that weren't his fault."

 

They're both quiet. Negan runs a hand tiredly over his face.

 

"He doesn't know you want him."

 

Carl remembers how desperate he was, how fast things moved, how driven he'd been to leave his mark - permanent and irrefutable. It's hardly believable that Rick couldn't know. Carl feels that Negan's right with certainty though, when he thinks about what his aim had been. The words he'd said that caused his Dad to shrink back more than even the physical blows could have.

 

"We have to tell him,” he says, because Rick has to know. Even if he doesn't reciprocate, Carl can't have him thinking he's unwanted. It's no wonder Rick had felt ashamed whenever his scent turned receptive, had tried to hide.

 

And Carl had let him.

 

He'd let Rick stew all night in the hall, afraid he'd somehow screwed things up with Carl. He'd just been trying to do the right thing, give Rick space.

 

"Okay, we're in agreement. I'll find a sitter for the night." Negan blows out a heavy breath, “how'd things get so fucked up?"

 

Carl shrugs. Negan claps him on the shoulder.

 

"Things will be okay kid."

 

 

 

 

All Rick wants is a shower. When he stops by to pick up Judith though and finds it's already done, he feels a little off kilter. He's already worried about Negan's middle of the day visit, and concerned about yesterday's revelation. He feels lost in a game where he doesn't know the rules. Where Negan gingerly applies salve and bandages his arm in lieu of condemning him for his incompetence or his weakness.

 

Carl and Negan are waiting for him when he arrives.

 

"Where's Judith?"

 

"She's fine. She's having a little sleepover on the floor down. Susie ring a bell?"

 

It's another toddler, a year or two older and Rick relaxes. Nods his approval at Negan who looks like he's waiting for it.

 

"You clean yourself up, Carl and me will get supper."

 

Rick complies, doesn't think too much about it.

 

 

 

 

It's after supper that things begin to veer. Rick stacks the plates, Negan motions him to leave them at the table and join him on the couch. It puts Rick on edge. He positions himself on Carl's left like always only now they look at him and they know why and it makes him feel pathetic. He feels heat creeping up his neck.

 

"Rick. I wanted to discuss our talk today."

 

"The bread,” Rick nods, but really he's grasping because he knows the atmosphere is wrong. Guesses it might be about the _other_ thing. Negan's strange insistence.

 

"No. That, well. Yes, you can build an oven in Alexandria, Rick. Shouldn't take more than three days. I'll be going with you, Carl and Judith too. And your boy Eugene to help things along. I'll even let you train a baker. So... now that that's out of the way..."

 

Negan looks over to Carl and something passes between them but Rick can't say what. Contrary to Rick's expectations, the permission doesn't soothe him. It probably just means there's a larger obstacle around the corner. Something worse.

 

He steels himself, but it isn't enough.

 

"Uh, well about the bonds. You do realize, Rick, that Carl and I here fully intend to cement them, right?"

 

"What?" he asks and it's breathless and quiet because Rick can't quite believe what he's heard.

 

"You heard him Dad,” Carl says, leans forward, a hand coming to rest on Rick's thigh.

 

"No,” Rick says weakly, shakes his head.

 

"No?" Negan scoffs and Rick hadn't been trying to be argumentative.

 

"No,” he says, more firmly. "You promised to break my bond with Carl."

 

"Fuck - you're not even kidding, are you?" Negan goes a little pale. "Rick, that was before."

 

"And he's just a kid! That hasn't changed." Rick can feel himself getting worked up. "I knew it wasn't gonna be soon. Maybe after Carl met someone but we both knew that you'd do it eventually."

 

"Really? We both knew that? Explain why the fuck I would do that Rick."

 

They're both looking at Rick. Negan looks angry, bewildered. Something like horror is blossoming in Carl's eyes. It feels like too much and Rick can feel tears behind his eyes just from the overwhelming pressure. He wills them not to fall. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say.

 

"Because you didn't want me. It's like you said, it was just your Rut. I've seen you with the kids, you love them. Of course you'd want them as a family. I _am_ grateful you kept me. Maybe you figured it'd help the transition for them, I don't know. Maybe you were just waiting until I was healed to try again. A-and it doesn't change the fact that Carl's still just a kid. He was...so young when that happened. He made a mistake. It's this world, and it's me. I'm the one who raised him. And the circumstances, if you heard them Negan, you'd know. Don't punish him just because I turned out to be the omega."

 

Rick feels drained. It's the truth but it hurts to say it out loud.

 

"Dad," suddenly Carl is there, wiping Rick's stupid tears away, his voice is soft, "I'm sorry, because I know you want it, but that's not happening to you again. He can beat it out of me instead."

 

Rick gasps, suddenly horrified.

 

"No! That's not - Carl, this is for you. For you to be free of me. Not because..." Rick turns to Negan, "you wouldn't do that, right? You wouldn't."

 

"No, I wouldn't. Calm down Rick. We're only talking. No one is going to try any of that shit again." Negan's extreme calm soothes him. There's something like pity there though and it confuses Rick as much as it angers him.

 

"But-" he tries.

 

"No Rick. That's final."

 

"But Carl doesn't deserve this! Even...you.. must want to be free of me at some point." Rick finds he's almost reluctant to say the last part of it, however true. It's ridiculous, that he secretly held out hope that he would grow on Negan or something. That Negan might keep him after all.

 

"Rick,” Negan says, starkly, making sure their eyes connect, “we want you. Both of us. That's it."

 

The statement draws Rick up short. It's so startling Rick doesn't continue his protest. Just stares at Negan who looks sincere, eyes dark, something hungry in his face. When he turns to Carl, there's something soft there, and then Carl's hand is on his face.

 

"I want you,” is what Carl says before he's leaning in. There's a soft pressure against Rick's mouth.

 

He makes a little shocked noise, his lips part, and they slot together perfectly against Carl's.

 

When Carl pulls away, Rick's panting, he feels stricken, he's fallen sideways on the couch. Carl's leaning over him, backs up momentarily to nudge Rick's leg up and then he's between them. Kisses him again. Cages him with an arm.

 

Rick feels helpless. Pleasure thrums through him and when Carl strokes a hand up his side, untucking his shirt, he leans into it.

 

He's aware of the noises he's making, small cut off moans and whimpers, but he can't seem to stop. They fall from his mouth even as Carl's trying to soothe him. Hushes him and presses lips to his temple.

 

Rick can't think about anything but how good it feels to be under Alpha. His Alpha.

 

"Carl,” it comes out like a moan and he can feel himself soaking his underwear, can feel the shame hot on his face but can't seem to stop.

 

Then Carl's hands are both at his hips, pressing him down and he cums just from that.

 

He's loud.

 

It's that thought that somehow sticks in his head.

 

He pushes Carl away, harsher then he intends. Struggles to right himself.

 

He sees Negan adjust himself discreetly across from them.

 

"Wasn't sure if I should-" Negan cuts himself off, nodding at the door, avoids Rick's gaze.

 

They know he's going to run though - he must telegraph it in his movements - because they both reach for him at the same time. Carl gets there first and his hand is warm around Rick's wrist. Rick can still smell arousal on him no matter how much he's trying to tamp it down. On both of them.

 

"You want space, I'll give you space but you're not going to run,” Carl says, it's low and pleading. It makes Rick stay put.

 

He hates himself. Hates himself for being shamefully loud, for letting it happen, letting Carl see, letting Negan see, and most of all for sinking into the heat like a band that's around his wrist.

 

For sinking into the words Negan so carelessly tosses out as he looks at him.

 

"You're so fucking pretty Rick,” he says.

 

Carl reaches for him then and Rick hides his face shyly in the crook of Carl's neck. He hates himself for that too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Tambour

 

 

 

 

 

Rick wants to think it only happens when they touch him. That he goes weak in the knees, pliable and soft. 

It isn't the case at all.

He's weak for them all the time, only he hides it better. Is able to guard against it with distance.

He hates that they don't touch him, because he's asked them not to the morning after his shameful weakness with Carl. Where Rick had lain in his arms all night, eyes casting desperately to Negan for approval. He hates that he hates not being touched. It's like a never ending negative-feedback loop. Only interrupted when they're near.

Because when they _are_ near, Rick can't deny that he feels good.

There's always a hot flush on his cheeks, he knows, and he stutters sometimes, can't always find the courage to look either of them straight in the eye, but they don't goad him. Negan still encroaches into Rick's personal space like he's a wild animal ready to bolt and Carl still treats him the same, with put upon patience and a touch of defiance - no, not defiance - firmness. Only it's a little different now because Rick can't keep their new words out of his head. Can't keep them from coloring their every interaction.

Their words are a treasure that Rick turns over and over in his mind. Too good to be true.

The way Negan carries on about Rick's arm makes Rick's heart beat faster. He makes him apply ointment, makes him wrap it. He catches Carl inspecting his ear every so often from across the room and when Rick catches him at it, he just smiles, kind of sad.

But Carl is happy too, content in a drowsy sort of way that Rick doesn't ever remember seeing on his son before.

His son.

Rick's mind always stills at the thought. He always rebukes himself but in the end it never matters. Because his reaction to Carl's presence is gut-deep; it's overly sweet and it makes him shy with pure want.

It wasn't like that before.

There had been one day, only one, sometime after he and Carl had...bonded. He'd blamed it on fever, didn't think about it often. At that time, Carl had held Judith - alive and whole, gave him a half hug for the first time since...that time. Said kind words for the first time after.

‘Be Careful,’ Carl had said and Rick had felt heat rise in him, overwhelming and complete. He'd pushed it down, even when it came back in dreams, and it had never been a problem. Had never affected their interactions.

Rick doesn't know why things are going so wrong this time around.

"Did I bring enough?" Rick asks at breakfast, ears hot. It's their last morning before they head out to Alexandria. Judith has already been dropped off with the sitter.

"Of course, sugar,” Negan answers, gives Rick a lazy grin, eyes hooded. Their gazes lock, seconds tick by and Rick feels himself slick. Can't help it. Negan inhales, winks. Carl gets noticeably flushed. The atmosphere is light, punch drunk.

It's not just Rick. All three of them are high on some wave of feeling.

Only.

He doesn't want to let himself believe that they want him. Because they can't, not really.

If he lets himself believe it, it'll hurt more when he loses them. And he tries to chide himself because he won't lose Carl - not as long as he's his father. Not so long as he _stays_ his father. He feels the danger of it, of losing himself like he is - like he had. It's so utterly shameful.

It's his duty to make sure that doesn't happen. Not again, not on his part.

If Rick really wanted, he _could_ let it happen with Negan. It's dangerous. He knows it would destroy him emotionally when it ends. Already the man's countenance is a permanent fixture in his mind.

Negan, however accommodating he's been, has very sharp teeth. Can rip someone, a stranger - a young man in a baseball cap and Carl would be that age in a couple of years and that haunts Rick - apart with a baseball bat and a length of wire.

They think they want him though, and it's miraculous and inexplicable. A nice thought, like a gift. They think they won't break their bonds, that they won't lose interest or have their feelings cool even with a bond intact. Won't become disgusted or annoyed with him.

Carl doesn't want to hurt him, Rick knows this, knows it's why he doesn't want to move forward, why even when the Alpha impressions fade and he leaves a bad taste in Carl's mouth he still won't do it. It seems cruel that now there is a way - finally a way to free Carl - that it's not happening. If Rick could break the bond himself, he would have. It sits badly with him that when Rick thinks about it, it's painful, because he really, really doesn't want to. He wants to cling to Carl, to Negan, like the _desperate slutty awful_ omega that he is. He has to reign himself in, doesn't want to show them that as much as possible.

They know what Rick is, they have to know and they've told him as much, the first times. Still, Rick guesses, they're not thinking with their heads.

It may not even take that long for them to lose interest, Rick decides. He just has to keep everyone's hands to themselves for a little while.

 

 

 

 

Carl has every intention of revealing their bonded status in Alexandria. Well, more accurately, he's just not going to participate in hiding it anymore. Honestly, there's no reason to. It'll be up to Rick though whether Carl blandly tells the truth to any enquirers or whether they pretend it's something that happened since the last time they left.

Carl has a feeling he knows which Rick would prefer. With the sole exception of Michonne, who had guessed the worst of it, no one else knows the truth. Rick has spent the last few years - and oh how he'd hate to know Michonne knew - keeping it that way.

Besides, it's less likely to come back on Rick, and they won't even have to tell people he's the omega, if people think it was a case of Rut gone wrong. Some kind of defect from the legacy of Negan's ultra violent bonding. It's a little obvious Negan had to be the Alpha, but Carl's used to people not seeing what's right in front of their faces.

Carl wants to ask Rick on the way, knows he should have done it yesterday or even this morning, but he doesn't want to embarrass his Dad in front of Eugene. Rick, his Dad, who flushes at him now and sends him shy little glances - gaze skittering away when eyes meet. Who gets wet with slick whenever things get just short of intense. It's a tease, the way he doesn't let Carl touch. Carl wants badly to touch. Wishes he'd gotten a little farther the other night.

He wants Rick in his bed, clothes off. He wants to make him feel good. Wants to make up for all the cruel things he's said and the cruel things that he's done. He'll get a chance, although he doesn't deserve it, and it makes him very nearly euphoric.

He puts thoughts of bondings and Alexandrians out of his mind.

It's not the most important thing anyway, hardly feels important at all.

They pull up to the gate and Daryl pulls it back, looks relieved when he catches sight of Rick in the truck. Rick gets out and walks slowly in.

Daryl and Rick hug, then Aaron is hugging his Dad too. Rick is scratching at the back of his neck, embarrassed at the attention, maybe a little mortified. Carl's jealousy smolders simply by the fact that they get to lay hands on Rick. It's petty, but he can tell Negan is feeling it too by the way his lip curls, unfriendly.

No one hugs Eugene, and testament to Rick's sweet temperament he notices and puts an arm on Eugene's shoulder, brings him closer to the others. Daryl claps Eugene on the back then and Aaron manages a smile.

Daryl walks up to where Carl and Negan are, still by the truck. He looks back and forth between them.

"We're both bonded to him,” Carl says, and it's premature, smacks of possessiveness and Carl hadn't exactly meant to say it like that.

Daryl looks closely at him then, nods like maybe he knew all along or at the very least thinks it's a reasonable outcome.

"Sure. We got a baker in place, name's Cory. I'll send him over. Can't really spare anyone else to help with construction."

Carl almost expects Negan to be difficult, but he must hear the truth in Daryl's voice because he just nods sharply. Carl has to remind himself it's only a matter of time - he has to be patient - before Rick turns Negan on to their way of thinking. Already the oven is progress. Really, it's Rick's way of thinking. If anything, he'd been the one to turn Carl onto it too.

Carl gets Negan in a way that's immediate and familiar, and it took him forever to feel that way with his own Dad. Carl, like Negan, is all brutality and dominance, order and force in his natural state. It was Rick who had to gently sway him into mercy, into light and self-sacrifice, gentle touches and forgiveness.

His Dad is already under Negan's skin. Carl knows Negan is capable of being a good Alpha, of taking good care of Rick.

 

 

 

 

Negan wants to fuck the shit out of Rick. Of course he does, he can tell the kid does too. It's frustrating that Rick doesn't let them get their hands on him. They can smell how much Rick wants them, for fuck's sake. Negan had felt, if they gave him time to freak out, Rick probably wouldn't come around for awhile. Felt it might be a mistake not to push a little, now that Rick's trauma was receding. Only Rick had asked, said _please_ , and Negan had crumbled in the face of his sweetness.

Rick isn't freaking out though. His expression gets soft and dreamy when he looks at them. He flushes, acts coy and shy, as if he's a blushing virgin and not a man with two children and a lot of rough man on man experience. Since he isn't freaking out, and since he so obviously wants it, Negan's not quite fucking sure what the hold up is.

He figures, Alexandria is nostalgic for Rick, so they're probably not going to do anything _here_.

Besides Carl is over timing it, reeking Alpha, making sure everyone knows he has a claim on Rick. Not only with his words but with the way he lingers over him like a guard dog, staring intimidatingly whenever someone gets close. So Negan tries to reign himself in, not completely humiliate Rick in front of everybody.

Lots of the townspeople are coming up and saying hello. Rick's a popular fella.

The new baker - Cory - is a man not much younger than Rick. Negan immediately wants to punch him in his stupid, handsome face. Negan feels satisfaction swell in him when he notices Rick put distance between them, a little wary. Rick probably isn't digging the way the Baker smells strongly of cigarettes.

More importantly, the Baker doesn't like Rick.

And who could not like Rick?

Negan's glad though, even if it's irrational, because they're bonded.

Negan tasks Eugene and Cory to unload the bricks and other various materials. Rick's almost antsy. Rick wants to help, he can tell, and Negan has to catch himself from pulling Rick under his arm.

"We should get settled first,” Negan says. "We can claim one of the empties."

Even Carl levels him a stare at that. Of course Negan knew they were going back home. To that fucking living room. To the one where he told Rick he wanted him to think of his cruelty every time he occupied the space.

"Or not,” Negan concedes, starts walking.

"I think I left some things I'd like to take,” Rick says. He looks at Negan like he's asking for permission. It does strange things to his belly.

"Sure Rick."

The house is exactly as they'd left it. Negan cringes at the blood on the floor. It stops Rick short too but then the fucking awful moment is over and he skips along like it never happened. Bounds upstairs.

Carl comes over and stands beside him.

"You should cook for him." Carl says, "you wouldn't know this, but he liked the spaghetti."

Of course Rick had to have eaten it. Negan even knew that at the time and it had amused him to no end. The thought had kept coming back to him, in a strange way, and he hadn't realized at the time what that was about. But oh, how he'd loved to put Rick in his place, make him squirm. He'd nearly stroked himself off to the thought that Rick was eating the spaghetti Negan had made with his hands. Probably seething around the noodles as they slipped wetly into his mouth. Because they couldn't afford to let food go to waste.

It made him feel like such an asshole now, and petty.

He takes the stairs two by two, to tell Rick that him and Carl are going to the pantry and he can go back and party with his little friends.

Rick's taking some clothes out of the closet. Looking them over as if he's a teenage girl prepping for the prom. Negan comes beside him and fingers a soft, worn button down, light blue and a touch oversized.

"You'd look good in this." He sneers a little lewdly.

Rick doesn't notice, considers, and his hands fall to the top button of his shirt, undoes it.

Negan takes him in greedily. Rick's eyes snap to his. Rick, predictably, slicks and the scent rises, pulls Negan forward but he doesn't touch.

" _Just_ this,” he says.

Negan's never wished he had a dress shirt of his own more, if only for the fantasies it inspires of a sleepy, fucked out Rick.

"You'd look good. Really fucking sexy, legs for miles. Such easy access, you'd only have to bend over and -"

"Negan,” Carl says from the doorway, a little miffed.

Rick's flush runs all the way down his chest. Carl stares hard and Negan rolls his eyes, makes his way back out.

When Rick comes down after them to see them off, he's wearing the shirt. Negan counts it as a win.

 

 

 

 

Rick doesn't leave the house immediately after they're gone. He's frozen in the silence. 

Privacy.

He has privacy. 

The thought whirs in his head and something spins to life. It's a bad idea. To dig himself deeper in the hole. Still, it's not as if he's involving anyone but his own self.

If Negan's words weren't so hot on his mind, if the opportunity didn't just fall into his lap, Rick probably wouldn't have done it.

But he does. He takes to the bathroom, pointedly doesn't look in the living room, and touches himself. Tries to be quick. Like he had been doing in the shower, like he's always done. Only, this time it isn't quite enough. And Rick hasn't touched himself _there_ before but it overwhelms him suddenly. Like it's a good idea. Like he needs it.

It's easy with how wet he already is.

Easy enough to slide his fingers in. Then another because two just isn't enough. He touches, tries to get deeper. It's awfully frustrating and he begins rocking back but he just _can't_ get there. Tries touching himself, hard and leaking, but it doesn't help. The pleasure there feels muted and too far away, not as intense. He stops, begins working just back there.

It takes him a hazy moment to realize his scent's getting stronger, so strong in fact it's obnoxious. Rick pulls his fingers out reluctantly.

It's been too long. At least ten minutes, maybe more. The pantry isn't that far away.

And the _smell_. 

They'd notice the smell. That thought puts Rick into motion.

Rick finds a bottle of lemon-scented cleaner under the sink, sloshes it against the counter, wiping quickly across every surface he can reach.

He catches his own gaze in the mirror. Expression a little desperate, face bright red. He hates himself sometimes. He leaves quickly, no one else is in danger of scenting him - and he resolves to clean up somewhere else before he goes home.

Eugene and Cory are clearing brush and ground out when Rick arrives. Eugene looks wary, which surprises Rick. He hadn't thought Eugene knew that Cory hated Rick because Rick had killed Pete Anderson.

"Let's just work,” Rick says, to set their minds on the task at hand.

"Fuck you,” Cory spits.

Eugene watches tensely between them but Rick just shrugs and sets to work. He should have known it wouldn't end there though. Cory hits him hard in the stomach, Rick pushes back and they roll. Rick pushes himself off of Cory angrily.

The original hit hurts a lot more than Rick thinks it should have. He wonders if Cory cracked the rib. Eugene's glaring tersely, helps Rick to stand back up straight.

"You should go home,” Eugene says to him. Normally Rick would argue but he just doesn't feel good.

"Yeah,” he agrees, tucking a hand against his ribs.

"I won't tell,” Eugene says, because unlike Rick's ear, he must feel someone's life is actually on the line.

"Go ahead. I don't fucking care,” Cory says, getting up and brushing himself off, turning back to his work.

He should care. Negan's unpredictable.

The pain seems to ease further on his way home. So much in fact that Rick is actually going to turn back when he sees that Carl and Negan are just down the street. He remembers suddenly that he hadn't cleaned up like he'd meant to and hopes to god the scent has faded. He retreats a few steps, just in case. He knows his expression is deer-in-headlights though, and immediately tries to school it.

"What're you doing back Rick?" Negan says on approach. "You look like you wanted to miss us."

When they get closer Rick knows immediately something is wrong. An expressionless curtain falls over Negan's face and Carl looks confused.

"I-I was just going to take a quick shower,” Rick says, because it's obvious they notice the scent, and by admitting to it Rick hopes they won't comment, will let it just slide.

"Shower,” Negan says coldly. The tone makes Rick fidget anxiously. "Where were you just now?”

"With Eugene and Cory."

Negan laughs shortly.

"Cigarettes,” Negan says under his breath, cryptically.

A realization is dawning on Carl's face and Rick wishes he'd share whatever he's just uncovered but it looks like it isn't good. Negan is touching him then. It's like a shock runs through Rick's body. Negan is pulling him roughly by the elbow back the way he came.

It's startling.

Eugene is on the far end, doing something. He isn't very close and when he turns and makes his way back, Negan just waves at him to stay put.

"Know it wasn't fucking him,” Negan says, voice dangerously bitter, laughing. "So that leaves you."

His gaze cuts to Cory and for a moment Rick feels sick, knows it shows on his face. The man might have been best friends with an asshole but he doesn't deserve whatever Negan wants to dish out.

"Oh Rick,” Negan says softly, spiteful and teasing. "Don't worry, I know it isn't his fault. He's not a fucking Alpha, he can't know."

Carl is angry, trembling in anger beside him. It's disorienting. For a minute Rick flatters himself, thinks they know that Cory hit him - but how?

He thinks that right up until Negan turns and smacks Rick across the face. He makes a wounded noise, can't help it, and tries to back up but then Carl is there. Hand bruisingly tight on Rick's arm to keep him from moving. Rick winces, Carl sees it and squeezes tighter.

"Negan,” Rick says because surely this is all a misunderstanding of some sort. But Negan catches his eye, then looks through him like he doesn't even matter.

"You shut the fuck up,” is what Carl grounds out, in Rick's ear.

Negan turns and addresses Cory like Rick isn't even there.

"How was he?" Negan asks him. Rick can see the confusion in Cory's eyes, feels it in his own. "Was he a good fuck? I really wanna know. The only time I had him, he laid there like a dead fish. I bet he's kind of lousy, huh? He's the neighborhood bicycle after all. All loose and used. Sluttiest fucking omega I ever seen. Gets wet just from a look."

The words are shocking, and they _hurt_ \- badly. Makes Rick loose his breath. Cory is looking at Rick. Cory is thinking, deciding. It suddenly strikes Rick what it is he's deciding. Rick begs him not to do it with his eyes.

"He wasn't that bad,” Cory says, in a way that makes it sound like he's being generous. As if he feels embarrassed for Rick.

Negan nods, turning, puts a hand on the back of Rick's neck and it's too tight. He all but drags him.

"You should know Rick," he says lowly in his ear and for some reason fear tears it's way through Rick, leaves him paralyzed. "We can smell it when you've been fucked."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Turn

 

 

 

 

Rick's dizzy with denial. Wants to tell them it's not true. That he didn't. It's positively ludicrous they think him and Cory...

 

Somehow the words don't leave his mouth. He tries, his mouth even opens, but nothing comes out.

 

It's not only Negan, Rick can feel the hot anger radiating off Carl too. It frightens him, as if they are back to... _that_.

 

When they get back to the house, Negan pushes him through the door and into the living room. To the blood on the carpet. He stumbles as Negan's hands leave him but Carl steadies him, drags him up sharply and pushes him backwards so his knees hit the side of the couch.

 

He falls over the edge and across. It's a familiar scene.

 

"Wore that shirt for him, didn't you,” Negan spits. Rick can feel his heart jack hammering in his chest. "Wanted to _look good_ for him, right Rick?"

 

Rick is trembling. He looks to Carl because surely Carl knows that he didn't...

 

"Here we are, waiting so _patiently_ for you and you go out and take a dick up the ass like it's nothing,” Negan continues, snarling.

 

"Carl,” Rick says, pleading, because Carl has never said anything so vulgar. Even when he was...

 

"What?" Carl says shortly, "you want me to defend you?"

 

The cold look he gives Rick brings Rick squarely back to that night. It quells him.

 

Negan's fingers are digging into his face out of nowhere.

 

"Who the fuck do you belong to Rick?" Negan asks.

 

"You. You. I belong to you,” Rick says weakly, remembering the first time they met.

 

Things are getting confused in his mind. It's like all his nightmares rolled into one. Like a dream where he can't move, can only silently sit and take it in.

 

"That's _right_." Negan is sneering and there is so much Alpha anger in the room Rick just wants to soothe it. He looks up, helpless, eyes wide because he doesn't know how. His mind just blanks out until he forgets everything but the viciously angry Alphas in the room.

 

He spreads his legs and bares his throat in submission.

 

It's the wrong move. Negan growls and slaps him across the face. It's not hard but the gravity of it is heavy. Carl coldly looks him over, disgusted and disappointed. And hadn't Rick known it would come to this? Rick is trembling, hard, and he doesn't know how to stop it.

 

They don't want him.

 

"Right,” Rick says, voice trembling, mostly to himself because the connection just isn't there anymore, "I'm a single-use omega."

 

"What?" Negan grits out but there's confusion.

 

They don't want him.

 

"N-no one wants me twice,” Ricks says. It feels true.

 

"What?" Carl bites out.

 

They don't want him, and they had said they did. The unfairness punches a hole in Rick's gut.

 

"You said you wanted me,” Rick says, and suddenly it seems like the most important thing in the world that he confirms it. Even if it's not true anymore. "You said you wanted me. Both of you."

 

Their silence burns. 

 

_Hurts._

 

Negan throws up an arm and Rick flinches back. If anything, the flinch makes Negan's expression angrier but he backs up a step. Angry tears begin to burn tracks down Rick's cheeks, he can feel it.

 

"You _lied,_ ” he accuses, and a sob follows, "You made me think- it's cruel. _It's so cruel._ "

 

" _We're_ cruel?" Carl asks, hard.

 

Every inch of Rick is shaking. His voice dies in his throat. It was always going to end up like this anyway. It's better it's sooner. But he still can't help the little gulps of air that escape from him as tears stream down his face.

 

They don't want him.

 

Rick aches intensely at the perceived loss.

 

"If you think for one fucking second,” Negan leans over him, talks low into Rick's good ear, "we're going to give you up, you're fucking wrong."

 

Rick's breath catches in his throat.

 

"You're not going to do something like that again." Carl's voice is dangerous, steely. "Right, Rick?"

 

"No,” Rick pleads. At the moment it seems like the only viable answer.

 

"Good,” Negan growls and yanks him up to kiss him, it's rough and possessive and it makes Rick's head spin. Everything is out of control.

 

Rick notices belatedly Carl's hands are resting at his belt.

 

"Are you going to let us?" he says, still angry and rough, but asking. 

 

Looking to Rick for permission. 

 

Rick nods. If it's the only way he can have them.

 

"What Rick - can't get your jollies off now that you're a fucking cheater?" Negan asks as they coordinate in pulling his clothes off until Rick is bare between them, back resting against Carl's chest, Negan in front. "Slick."

 

Rick tries to, at the order. But it doesn't come. And they are so close to nearly wanting him that Rick viciously hates himself again, for falling just short - _again_.

 

It's when Negan's hand slides down between Rick's legs, across his buttocks, and touches, that Negan pauses. A fingertip is pressed to him and Rick pushes against it. Like it's a last chance and he needs to make good or he'll lose it.

 

"You want me, right?" Rick asks feverishly. Wants it so badly to be true again, and how could he have ever said no? Even if Negan doesn't want him afterwards it'll be okay. As long as Rick knows he was wanted once. The knowledge will stick with him. It'll be okay.

 

He repeats the mantra over in his head.

 

Negan pulls away then, finger falling out of Rick's body, something sick-like and nauseous on his face. Carl pauses from where he's been marking Rick's neck up. The non-answer makes Rick keen, strain to get closer but Negan just backs further away.

 

"He's not -" Negan begins but doesn't finish. Negan sits heavily on the floor, in front of the old blood stain. He looks blankly at it, chokes out a laugh, and buries his head in his hands. "Carl he didn't. He's not even..."

 

Carl stiffens. Rolls Rick forward to get out from behind him. Rick grasps at Carl's sleeve, makes a distressed sound, tries to make him stay.

 

But he doesn't stay.

 

It stings.

 

They don't want him.

 

Rick feels unsteady, like he can't just go back. Everything has gone too far now. Carl will never look at him the same, he just knows. Everything he's worked so hard for has been flushed down the drain. It makes him reckless.

 

"Telling me how good I was," Rick's voice catches despite himself as he stares up into Carl's face, who's across the room now, "like you didn't _know_."

 

It's very nearly accusatory.

 

"Rick,” Carl says quietly.

 

"You're right Carl. I should have died in that hospital,” Rick says, dazed. "Shane would’ve done better than I ever could. You don't need me. B-but you like hurting me. Always will - remember? Always will."

 

Negan reaches for Rick at that but Rick shrugs him off.

 

"Don't worry, I remember. I remember it both times. _I don't have much to offer_ , right Negan?" Rick says it defiantly, or means to, but it cracks and comes out small, more honest than he means. "Said you were gonna hurt me a lot. Did you like it?"

 

Rick feels broken, useless. It's worse because he knew, had been trying to avoid this. His guts laid out before them like the time when he was thirteen, and an Alpha asked his pop if he was mated. His beta pop, who hadn't known. The way he'd brought him to the basement and beat him with his fists, told him to stop being what he was, stop inciting respectable people like a slut.

 

Rick can still do something, can still play a part to help, can make a difference to someone however small. Rick clings to that thought and clings but it just doesn't help him this time. He feels...like he can't do it anymore.

 

There's a knock at the door. They're all frozen in place. Rick tugs a comforter around himself and answers the door.

 

Eugene is standing behind Cory, face pale and worried. Rick expects Cory to look angry but he doesn't. His face is pinched, expression very nearly regretful.

 

Rick doesn't like it. "Did something happen?" he asks, worriedly. Mind running through possibilities.

 

Eugene is staring at the bites on Rick's neck. Rick pulls the blanket up. Carl comes up to the door then and Negan is watching from the floor, looks gutted somehow. Rick isn't expecting it when Carl punches Cory in the face. He pushes at Carl and Carl goes. Rick remembers what this is about, what it looks like.

 

As if he's protecting one of his lovers that he'd cheated with. He can't help what it looks like.

 

"I'm sorry," Cory spits out, reluctant, but he does look sorry as well, "I didn't know you were bonded."

 

Rick nods, waves him off. "I - I am sorry about Pete."

 

Rick's not sorry he's done it. But he knows how it would have felt, if someone else would have killed Shane.

 

"Are you okay?" Eugene asks, he's backed a step away from Carl.

 

Rick can't even nod, can feel tears filling his eyes. He slams the door shut in their faces. Rick tugs on his clothes.

 

"Dad,” Carl says, Rick's surprised he's still capable of the moniker, "I'm sorry, we should have known you wouldn't..."

 

"You believe him?" Rick asks, and it's honestly confusing, "Why?"

 

It sounds desperate and it is. Carl doesn't say anything. Negan is watching him now, with something akin to fear.

 

"What makes me so different from him?" Ricks asks, and he really needs to know. "What makes me so different that you can't trust me? That I'm like this? Th-that no one can love me?"

 

"Oh," Negan says softly, " _Rick_."

 

Negan finally gets up, approaches, but Rick flinches back hard.

 

His arm is stretched forward, frozen between them, as if he's about to touch. Carl is looking at him with that same expression, the one from afterward, eyes deep and something restrained within their depths.

 

Rick wants them so _bad_.

 

And they don't want him.

 

They don't want him.

 

Something in him reaches out for them. It's too far gone before Rick realizes it's the bond. That he's letting himself reach for them through it, no longer shielding his thoughts, or his feelings away. They bleed through and Rick desperately tries to stop it, pull back. But it doesn't work.

 

Carl gasps and sits heavily on the ground. And he's crying. Rick did that, _hates_ himself.

 

Carl blindly reaches for him and Rick is horrified to realize the thought made it through.

 

Negan is louder, actually sobbing Rick thinks, breathing heavy. He doesn't know what to do with that.

 

He wants it to stop. Something skitters panicky inside, unsure of what to do. He kneels near Carl first. Reaches a hand out but he can't, he shouldn't. He's the one doing this. He should leave, if he can't control himself.

 

"No,” Carl says, nearly begging. "Don't leave."

 

Rick doesn't. But he doesn't know what to do either. He sits in the corner, makes himself as small as possible.

 

_How could he?_

 

He doesn't know how to make it stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Simper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to give a thousand thanks to demented_queen for being my beta and doing a wonderful job editing. Thanks for sticking with me! Sorry this took so long everyone. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Negan crawls for Rick, who is alone - in the corner - _suffering_.

 

There are words, flitting lightning-quick through Rick's head, quietly panicking, and none of them are good. Negan can't stop sobbing. They really fucking hurt. Rick's self-loathing, self-hate, is cloying - tints every other thought murky. And his guilt is immense.

 

Rick feels bad about making them hurt. Hates that they can hear him, even though he thinks they know already.

 

There's other words too, ugly words, and Negan can pick himself out in them. Can even pick out which ones must have been Carl. Quieter, older, like a murmur; there's strangers and classmates, friends and other survivors. Rick's wife and his best friend. Then, in a noticeable shift, there's Rick's father and his grandpa. And his alpha mother who hadn't said anything because she didn't want to lose her husband. Negan reels from the sheer input of information. _Fuck them all_ , he impresses firmly. But, he doesn't think he's getting through to Rick.

 

It's so _cruel_. 

 

And Negan had thought that was rich, coming from Rick who had just ripped their hearts out, but he can see now that it's true. An understatement. The sheer magnitude of knowing nearly causes Negan to stop short. Carl has, even though he's sitting near Rick now. Carl hasn't touched him because he knows he doesn't deserve to. Carl's crying but it's quiet and subdued.

 

Negan had really thought Rick was cheating. Had incited Carl. Probably his own thoughts wouldn't have led Carl to that conclusion but Negan had been so sure. Just like he had that first time - so sure Rick was abusing Carl. The realization clenches around him, nearly causes him to pull back but, stubbornly, he keeps going. His crawl across the floor is fucking slow, like he'll never reach him. And that is unacceptable.

 

Accusing words spin in Rick's mind, sputtering under the surface, abusive. Mostly, though, he is focusing on how he could do this to them.

 

There's images too, lying beneath the surface like a foundation, and they are mostly of Negan and Carl. They're so cruel Negan chokes on another sob. He'd thought Rick was past that, water under the bridge, but he can see now how much it still sticks in his mind. Like a thorn of doubt, and he believes all the things they said about him. Thought he deserved the way they touched him.

 

He _forgives_ them. Like Negan wasn't fucking stupid enough to incite his own rut - _and fucking Georgia of course Rick didn't understand his intentions his pop never even let him go to health class_. He forgives them like Carl didn't lay hands on him with the intention of making him hurt. Like Negan didn't. And the other words, Rick believes them too. It kills Negan they're not even all from the same place. The collection grew slowly and Negan hadn't stopped it, had actively added to it.

 

Negan wants to deny but the only thing he can solidly refute is the fact that he didn't mean a word he said during rut. He talks dirty because he thinks it's _hot_. Not because he actually believed any of those things about Rick. He knows that words like that will never leave his mouth again. All the other times though, he had been trying to - not always hurt - but touch Rick in some way, leave his mark. Negan hadn't known how dark all those marks could be. When he _had_ been trying to hurt him, like with the fucking baker, it had seemed like he never made Rick feel it enough, never made him sorry enough, hadn't hurt him as much as Rick hurt him. He had hurt Rick worse, though - all but gutted him, and he just hadn't known.

 

But he should have. 

 

If he had paid attention. 

 

Rick isn't an alpha. And he's so fucking strong but he feels _everything._ He doesn't brush brutality and abuse off as easily as Negan had previously implied. He isn't some toy to be proud of and say, look at the abuse this thing's taken and it's still standing!

 

The disgust Negan feels for himself is very real.

 

Rick is sweet, blue eyes expressive, and he's thoughtful. The shy dip of his head sometimes when they're talking, the hesitancy and blushing. None of that had been an act. Negan hadn't given it the respect it deserved, took it for granted. Projected his lust on Rick as if Rick had been asking for it just because Negan had been able to force a physical reaction. And what omega wouldn't react to their alpha?

 

But Rick had just wanted to be loved, hadn't he?

 

Further, deeper, and Rick is trying to hide it the most, is a messy core of need. Rick wants them so _bad._

 

“You have us,” Negan says out loud, but of course he's facing Rick's right.

 

The ear he smacked deaf.

 

So he says it in his mind, over and over. It's not getting through, he can tell that.

 

Rick wants them, and he wants to be loved and he's ashamed he does because he knows that it is not for someone like him. That he is not a good omega, he is bad just like his father said. And he wonders why he's like this, why he can't deserve it. And he wants to be loved so bad, dreams about it.

 

It physically hurts Negan to feel it. It's _so_ _wrong_.

 

There's a fantasy there, so protected, well worn and cherished. And Rick is pleading, begging that they please please don't notice it. Negan can't help the way his mind presses forward.

 

In the fantasy, Rick is lying in bed and he is warm, comfortable. The blankets heavy, like protection. Light streaming through the room. Negan is there, Carl too. The sheer inclusion sticks in Negan's heart, they don't deserve it. But Rick wants them.

 

He wants them to pet his hair, tell him he is good, he is worthy. That they love him.

 

The way they touch him in the fantasy is soft, as if that's the best Rick could come up with. The reverence Negan feels for him isn't there.

 

And Carl is saying 'Be Careful' which is a little confusing until Negan hears, 'Don't fucking cry Rick' and then he gets it. Nicest things they ever said.

 

It's like a punch to the gut and Negan nearly tips over in nauseousness, can hear Carl whimper lowly.

 

For a moment Negan wonders why 'we want you' is noticeably absent until the fact smacks him in the face. Rick probably thinks it's about sex, at least partly. The fantasy isn't about that at all. Negan questions and confirms, Rick doesn't want it tainted with something when he's not sure if it's lust or not. It's unfair he can just pull whatever he wants from Rick's mind but Rick can't feel his. Negan thinks it would help, wouldn't even mind if Rick came in and destroyed it, found all his secrets and weak places, soft and sore. He deserves it.

 

_We want you._ They're not in the fantasy but even so Rick holds the words close elsewhere, pretends they mean more than just Alpha lust.

 

He doesn't have to pretend, they do mean more. Negan wants him to know that.

 

Rick's fantasy is small, so fucking small, and so doable that Negan will hate both himself and Carl forever if they don't fulfill it for him.

 

It's around that time he reaches Rick, who pulls back like a scared animal. He's thinking that Negan means to put a stop to it. To break their bonds once and for all so that Negan and Carl don't have to put up with him like this. Negan hears Carl wretch a second before Negan pitches forward and pukes.

 

Negan reaches a hand out, palm on the skin of Rick's ankle.

 

Something changes.

 

Negan knows Rick can hear him now. He can't control what Rick sees or feels. The pure pain Negan is sending forth makes Rick rock back into guilt hard. Negan didn't mean to send it. He's trying to pour warmth through, and it trickles but Rick doesn't believe it. Tries to push it out, weakly, as if it hurts.

 

_Gotta believe me baby, please._

 

It isn't that Rick trusts Negan, it's that he wants so badly to believe it that he nearly gives in.

 

Carl comes shakily forward, brushes his fingers across the back of Rick's hand. There's a whole new wall of feeling, of guilt and failure and self-loathing for a split second before it melts. Negan wonders, almost viciously, what the fuck Carl sent through. But then Rick is showing him because that's his Rick - always trying to soothe, make things better.

 

The memory isn't super old, but it's solid and handled like Carl has played it on repeat. It's of before, they’re standing at a fence, green everywhere. Carl and his dad. Rick is smiling widely, in a way that makes Negan's breath catch and he's never seen the expression before. It's so happy. The feelings impressed on the memory are intense. The predominant one is love, deep and fathomless. There's a tender regard, something ticklish like hope.

 

Carl loves the ever living fuck out of Rick. Negan idly wonders if that was the moment Carl fell in love.

 

Negan's touched by how grateful Carl is, just to be near to Rick. Negan draws up one of his memories, now that Carl has shown him how. Prays it comes across the same as he remembers.

 

Rick isn't quite as happy, like he's muted by pain. There's shadows in his eyes. Still, it is the happiest Negan has ever seen him. He's smiling gentle and his eyes are soft. He's playing Choo Choo trains with Judith on the floor. He'd just taken a shower and damp curls are clinging to the back of his neck. Judith is giggling up at him and she's reaching for his face. He kisses her hand as she places it on his lips -

 

And that's as far as it goes before the memory's cut through with vicious self-hate and shame. As visceral as if he'd slapped Rick in the face again.

 

Rick doesn't think he's a good father.

 

Thinks Negan is throwing what he isn't in his face. Rick doesn't realize it's a memory until Negan is presenting the fact, pressing it to Rick.

 

"You're a good father,” Carl chokes out audibly. "You are."

 

Negan isn't quite sure what goes on between them then. He can tell it's heated, eventually though it winds down. He sends his love throughout.

 

Rick is trembling minutely. His cheek is still faintly red from Negan's abuse. His eyes are so _blue_ , they're wide and tears are falling. He reaches for Negan's hand on his ankle, intertwines their fingers. All Negan thinks is that Rick must have heard him, then.

 

 

 

Carl doesn't tell him what he needs to hear. He tells him the truth. That Everything Good about him is Rick's doing. That what happened the first time - all that twisted rage and grief funneled into the need to punish had nothing to do with Rick's words or his actions. It had to do with Rick himself. It hurts Rick at first to hear that. Carl has to lay it out clearly, carefully, to explain.

 

How he'd had vague designs on Rick even before the Governor, at the prison. Fancifully perverting their interactions because he had begun to recognize something in him, recognize something in himself. He'd known it was wrong. How much it would hurt his Dad to know. At first, he had never intended to act on it. Then came the violent shift precedented by Carl's own lack of faith in the world, his own firm growing conviction of survival of the fittest and dominance and strength. He'd resented Rick's weakness at the same time he had wanted to devour it.

 

The Governor seemed to confirm every one of Carl's convictions about all the wrong things. The loss was so strong. And it wasn't only Judith but his Mom's loss that came back to him then. He'd looked at Rick and wanted to hurt, to touch. He'd touched Rick and wanted more. To possess him and own him so that he'd never be able to lead them through to such a deep loss again. Because the only thing Carl had left to lose was Rick.

 

And what would mom think?

 

Carl knew. She'd hate it, the way her baby boy turned bitter. Carl doesn't know but he thinks that she would never forgive him for what he's done to her husband, his own father. The way he's broken him down and torn him apart.

 

But it's too late, because Carl had made all the choices for them. He knows even she would have conceded to that. She wouldn't have approved, but she would never want Rick to keep hurting. Not when it was within Carl's power to stop it.

 

She would want him to be happy, to heal.

 

Rick had stilled at Carl's words from the start and when he reaches out it's to touch that fragile little doubt in Carl's mind.

 

_She would forgive you, she would have wanted you to be happy, to heal, too._

 

Carl reaches for him then, pulls Rick into his arms. Negan collapses in on Rick's other side, until Rick's in the middle of a bear hug.

 

 

 

Rick is tuckered. So they send him to bed in Carl's room where there's still a double left standing. They clean up their puke, theirselves and then there is only one thing left to clean and that's the blood stain. Because this is going to be their home again, sometime soon - Negan can feel it.

 

Negan scrubs at the stain and Carl goes to find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

 

"That fantasy-" Negan begins but he hardly needs to, they're on the same page.

 

"Yeah, I was thinking my bed's too small though."

 

"He was out like a fucking light. I know it's fucking fucked up but do you think we could borrow one maybe?"

 

"Yeah, Eugene's might still be there. Father Gabriel would let us take his I'm sure."

 

"If that doesn't work we can always take that prick, Cory's."

 

They share a small laugh.

 

"I don't think Rick would like that."

 

Negan shrugs.

 

"You got a mean hook on you Carl. Speaking from experience. I guess the fucker did apologize and Rick wouldn't want us to hold a grudge. Besides we…we're both way worse."

 

When they finish, the stain is still noticeably there, but it's faded. Doesn't look even so much like blood anymore.

 

 

 

In the end, Father Gabriel donates his bed to the cause, as it turns out, he has been trying to do ever since the Saviors burned their mattresses in the first place.

 

"I hope you let Rick get some rest,” he says, but he's assured simply by the fact that Carl is present. He really shouldn't be, Carl thinks, but the thought's too painful to maintain. He grudgingly lets go of the past because now Rick can feel it. He only allows himself to look forward to the future.

 

They get the bed in the room long before Rick ever wakes up.

 

They arrange it with clean sheets and all the pillows they can find. Negan carries Rick over bridal style, careful not to wake him. Rick sleeps through the night. But in the morning, it's perfect. There is light streaming softly through the window. Carl taps Negan on the arm from where he's still softly snoring on the other side of Rick.

 

They watch Rick wake up. He's disoriented for a second before he's fully awake. The pure rush of pleasure they feel from him is overwhelming. Negan reaches forward to softly stroke his hair.

 

"Good Morning Gorgeous." A blush rises to Rick's cheeks.

 

Carl reaches over and bats Negan's hand out of the way where he's playing with a curl, tucks a strand behind Rick's ear. He talks a little louder because he's on Rick's right.

 

"Stop hogging him."

 

"Oh Rick, you're so good. All sleep flushed, I hope you had a good rest. You deserve it, you know."

 

"Dad," the gentle pull of pain at the word is lost among the swell of good feeling, and Carl is thankful for that, "I love you."

 

"Yeah," Negan clamors, "we love you Rick. I love you so much, there's nothing I wouldn't give you, nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve everything."

 

Carl rakes his fingers gently through Rick's hair and it causes little sparks of pleasure to shoot through Rick.

 

"You do deserve everything, to be loved and cherished. We're going to love and cherish you."

 

"Yeah Rick. Gonna spoil you rotten. It's not really spoiling if you've earned it though, huh? You're so sweet."

 

"Sweetheart," Carl says and likes the reaction it gets, "I love you so much. To the moon and back. Further."

 

They can't really help the way Rick begins to get, well, _aroused_. Negan presses a glance to Carl, wonders if they should stop. Rick tells them _no, don't stop_.

 

So it's settled.

 

"Anytime sweetheart, just let us know if you need to stop,” Negan says, wonders how they can do this in a way that will let Rick only feel love.

 

Carl pulls the comforter back and begins to undress Rick slowly. His fingers stroke and explore and it rolls around in Rick's head how good they are making him feel. Negan kisses him, it's sweet. Mouth pressed against mouth. Rick pants, and Negan pushes their lips together a little more firmly.

 

"Where do you want us to touch you baby?" Negan asks, doesn't want to assume anything. From now on, he'll always ask.

 

Rick gets sweet at the thought, tilts his head and connects their gaze shyly.

 

"I want - " Rick says, flushes, "inside. Want you both - "

 

Of course he doesn't literally mean both of them at once but Negan feels a bit of lust spark in him at the dirty thought and curses himself.

 

"Sorry Rick,” he says shortly but Rick's pupils are blown and he's not even paying attention because Carl's fingers have reached down _there_. Rick is really slick, and hard.

 

Negan moves out of the way so Carl can reach down and kiss Rick.

 

"Please,” Rick whimpers when Carl's fingers curl.

 

Negan wants to turn away, to give them privacy but Rick's hand settles on his, grabs it like a life-line.

 

"I'm here Rick,” Negan says.

 

Carl's apprehensive because other than that once, he hasn't done this. Rick's legs fall open and Carl slowly settles between them. Presses them up and back softly. Undoes his pants.

 

When he finally presses into Rick, Rick's gasping. Carl tries to still himself but it's difficult. He knows it's going to be over quick.

 

The slick eases the way but it's still tight. Rick's making tiny little noises as Carl seats himself fully inside. He isn't going to last. He pulls halfway out, slow, and presses back in. Rick comes all over himself. Carl follows, shudders against him.

 

_Kiss me Kiss me._

 

Rick begs and Carl does. Kisses him sweetly for a few moments, pets his hair. Kisses a little trail across his face and down his throat.

 

_More. More._

 

Rick begs and Carl pulls out, the stimulation too much.

 

"Negan?" Carl questions.

 

Negan clears his throat.

 

"Yeah kid, move outta the way."

 

Carl goes, sits at the edge of the bed, Rick catches a hand, keeps it snug to his chest.

 

Negan kneels between Rick's thighs, runs a hand up them as if he's trying to warm the skin.

 

"Inside again sweetheart?" he asks.

 

Rick nods, eyes lidded.

 

Negan undoes his belt, works his jeans open. Rick is already making those little noises again and he's not even inside.

 

_Sweet fucked out little slut_ skitters across Negan's thoughts, and he pauses, tries to get himself under control.

 

There's a curl of pain at that from Rick and Negan thrice damns himself. Tries to impress on Rick that he doesn't mean it like that. Rick presses into his mind, and finally - Negan's so fucking relieved he can just look for himself, is scared maybe Rick won't like what he sees - but Rick just pulls back, eyes a little confused but he's satisfied. The hurt fades until there's only need left.

 

Negan doesn't want to hurt him.

 

He lines them up, softly and insistently presses inside. Watches Rick's face as he does.

 

Rick watches him back. His eyes look nearly black, swallowed by the pupil, mouth falling open at the push. He's flushed all the way down his chest and up to the tips of his ears.

 

_Look so good sweetheart, can't believe you let me do this to you._

 

Negan focuses on nice things, not on what he wants to say but what he actually means - the sentiment behind it. Tries not to let his filthy mouth get away from him.

 

_Look at you, all mine. Just for me and Carl, huh?_

 

His thrusts are slow and steady, teasing. Rick is moaning and Negan looks down to watch the place where they meet. Runs the pad of his finger around Rick's slick opening.

 

He comes then with a shock. Rick does too, clenches around him.

 

_More._

 

Rick begs. And he must be sore but if he is he's not showing it. Negan leans down to kiss him, open mouthed. Looks over at Carl, the kid's got recovery time.

 

Carl slides back in like it's nothing. Has more stamina and staying power this time. But he gets carried away, starts pressing harder until he's all but pounding into Rick.

 

"Carl,” Negan warns.

 

Rick cries out loudly at the quick thrusts. But he isn't hurting. He gets really loud and it fizzles something out in Negan's brain. Negan reaches over and swallows the cries in his mouth.

 

 

 

"No offense kid," Negan says when they're done and Rick is dozing again beside them, "but I never want to see you in flagrante again if I can help it."

 

"Ditto,” Carl says and turns tiredly to the door. "We're getting a King-size bed for my room."

 

"We still need to go back to the Sanctuary."

 

Carl rolls his eyes. "Yeah I haven't forgotten Judith. You really gonna let us come back?"

 

"After the oven, sure. As if you didn't know. Rick deserves a white-picket fence."

 

Rick wakes up at that. Arches his back into Carl and reaches out to pull Negan to him.

 

He's still, amazingly, shy - a little self-conscious. A little embarrassed. A pretty blush settles across the bridge of his nose. Negan let's him bury his face in his chest. Carl let's him tug his arm over despite the fact it's up in Negan's space.

 

And then Rick smiles and it's that same beautiful smile from Carl's memory, from before. It collapses Negan's breath. Carl hums contentedly from the impression of it alone.

 

There's just a smidge of shadow behind it. But they both figure that's something they can work with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
